Road to the Future
by tfnmal23
Summary: There is a case about a 35 year old woman getting killed and Kate Beckett's team is called on the case.  There are Caskett moments that I've made up including her telling Castle her secret that she heard him and she feels the same way.
1. Healing

_**This is my imagination of the next time Beckett meets with Dr. Burke to continue her therapy. I'm hoping that she starts moving in the right direction and starts to find happiness. She deserves it and well Castle deserves it more because we all know this man deserves a metal for waiting for her. But she is SO worth it.**_

Dr. Burke is sitting in his dimly lit office opposite of his patient Kate Beckett. She is actually sitting in the chair and looking at her doctor in an almost, 'please fix me look' on her face.

Dr. Burke begins his questioning, "So last time you were here you said you were ready to focus on the future and learn how to put the past behind you. Are you still ready?"

"Yes. I don't know where to begin, but I am ready," she says.

"Kate, for starters you said that you didn't want to let your mother down. Do you feel that by not continuing to solve her murder, you are letting her down?"

"Yes." she says quickly.

"Why?" asks Dr. Burke.

Kate looks out the window and into the clouds. Then she looks at the statue next to the chair. She begins, "Well, I feel it is so easy to give up, to just walk away. Castle is right. We have no leads, no suspects or anything to go on. We're back to square one. I've been through this twice now and I hate having this feeling of failure."

"Kate, you do realize that your mother would never look at you as a failure? You've set out to do everything you've wanted to do as a detective. You haven't let your mother down in any way. And maybe walking away will help you cope with your personal life." The doctor says looking at Kate as her head is down looking at her hands.

Kate looks up, "My personal life? What are you referring to?" in a defensive tone.

Dr. Burke senses her tense up.

"Kate, don't get defensive. You haven't told me much at all about your personal life. We've mostly been dealing with your mother's death and you being shot. You came in here once outraged that Castle, your partner, was smitten with a lady helping on a case you were working on. Those are feelings Kate that need to be dealt with."

Kate was caught. She hated admitting that anyone was right, but she knew that she was totally caught. The same way she caught Castle when he hazed Alex Conrad for wanting to spend time with her. Busted.

She answers, "I know." She shrugs her shoulders and jumps up from the chair. Now a bit tense she says, "I don't know where to begin."

"Ok, that's honest. Now you said it was complicated. What makes it complicated?" the doctor asks calmly.

Kate sits down on the edge of that chair. "I think it is complicated for both of us."

"Ok, explain to me why it is complicated for you. Only for you right now," Dr. Burke adjusts himself in the chair.

"I guess I should start from the beginning." she says.

"Okay. If that will help."

Kate stands up and walks around the chair. Now standing behind the chair facing the doctor, "We've had a connection for awhile now. He does make me feel alive and he has really made my job as a detective more enjoyable. But…"

Kate hesitates and comes back around to sit in the chair.

Dr. Burke says, "But? Go on."

"But, I'm worried about a couple of things. Mixing business with pleasure, a thousand things run through my mind, that Captain Gates will kick Castle out because we're together and I want him there. Then I think well in order for us to be together maybe it would be best if he wasn't around. I mean, I was a detective before he came along. But he is good at find the missing pieces in a case." Kate finally looked up from her rant and looked at Dr. Burke.

"Do you think that your relationship would come between your ability to solve a case together?" asked Dr. Burke.

"No. We've fought before already, I mean, got into an argument, but each time we are more determined to solve the case. Our clearance rate hasn't dropped at all, except when Castle was gone to the Hamptons for the summer." 'Goodness', Kate saying to herself. She rolls her eyes while biting her bottom lip. She can't believe that she just said that out loud and admitted it to herself. They were a good team together whether they had an argument or were getting along. Also, she could never stay mad at him for very long. Another thing that she knows about him, but is glad Castle hasn't picked up on it yet.

Dr. Burke is reading Kate's face as she is having this conversation to herself in her head. "Why did you just roll yours eyes when you said that?"

Kate looks at Dr. Burke. He wasn't supposed to notice that. Once again being caught, Kate begins, "Well, Castle went away that summer with his ex-wife. Castle has been married twice and he's been a bit of a bad boy. I'm more of the one and done type of girl. I'm scared and holding back because I want to know what failed in his two previous relationships. I mean, along with all of other hangs ups I'm holding back."

Dr. Burke just continues to listen. Kate is sharing which is more than what she has done in any session.

Kate pauses thinking back, "It was tough when I saw them walk away together to the Hamptons for the summer. He had invited me to go to the Hamptons for Memorial Day weekend. I was caught off guard when he asked. I guess that our paths were just not aligned at all. I didn't see it. Then Tom, someone that I started dating, a detective from robbery, asked me to do go with him for the weekend."

Dr. Burke watches Kate relax into the chair. "Where are you going with this?"

"Well, Castle knew I was dating Tom and he knew that he had asked me for the weekend." She pauses, "Oh my God, that is why he said that he was going to stay for the whole summer in the Hamptons! Esposito was totally right." She pause, "Anyway," looking at the doctor and noticing his confused look on his face.

"Well basically, I didn't realize it until it was too late. Castle couldn't watch me be with another guy. It was just one of things that I felt a connection, but I didn't jump at it. Everyone else saw it and I knew it and hid from it. So then he made plans with his ex-wife to spend the summer in the Hamptons to finish his book. As I watched them walk off that day, that is when I realized that I didn't like seeing him with someone else either."

Kate continued, "I knew something was wrong the morning we solved the case. He didn't bring me coffee and he always brought me coffee. Everything was off from there." Kate smiled and put her finger to her lip. She was thinking about all of the things that happened that day and wished that the end result of the day was different that day.

Dr. Burke asked, "So what happened after that?"

"Well, nothing happened. He said he would return in the fall. And well, he did end up coming back, but it was to help solve a case that his friend had been killed. Kate paused," but, the truth was I wanted him to come back and work with us. I was just upset that he didn't call all summer, however how could I be mad at him? I didn't call him either."

"And he's been there ever since?" asks the doctor.

"Yes, he has." Kate says and let's that ring in her head. He's been there ever since.

"So basically you've told me previously he began working with you because he killed off the main character in his series of books, right?"

"Yes. Derrick Storm." Kate says quickly puzzled as to where the doctor is going with these series of questions.

"Okay and he is now writing Nikki Heat based novels."

"Yes."

"Based on you?"

"Yes."

"How many was he contracted for?"

"Three more books after Heat Wave" Kate is still wondering where he is going.

"And what book is he on right now?"

"The last one, you know? I don't even think he has been writing, but he just had his book signing for Heat Rises. I guess he's been busy." Kate caught herself. She was thinking of saying something else, but she stopped. She thought about this for awhile. Castle is coming to the end of the series, but there is plenty to the character. He could get signed to write more books.

Dr. Burke noticed Kate still in thought, but he asked, "Really? So why is he still following you around to crime scenes?'

"Well, if you asked me this last year at this time I couldn't have answered that question," she says.

"What about now?"

"I probably can help with that answer. On the day I was shot…actually can I start with the day that Captain Montgomery got shot?" Kate looked at the doctor. She had told him about that day and most of the shooting stuff during the routine conversations she had with the doctor after the shooting.

"Okay. Yes, go ahead."

"Castle and I got into a huge argument. He wanted me to walk away from my mother's case. He said we couldn't win this one and I would end up dead. He said everyone associated with this case is dead. So he asked me to think about the people that I love and care about me, like my father, my boyfriend…"

"Boyfriend?"

"Yes, I was dating someone at the time. His name was Josh."

"That's interesting." Dr. Burke said looking at Kate. She just looked back at him confused as to what was interesting about it. "Well, you never mentioned him until now and even though you mentioned him he didn't seem that important to you just now."

Kate looked out the window and nonchalantly looked back at the doctor, "Well, I really liked Josh, but that wasn't enough. Our schedules didn't work out and he was always gone. It was hard to get attached to someone when they were never around."

The doctor was even surprised himself when he came out with this. "And Castle was always there. Do you think that is why he sparked your interest?"

Kate looked confused again. Dr. Burke then said, "I'm sorry. I went off the subject with Josh. Go back to the day that Captain Montgomery got shot and the conversation with you and Castle."

Kate was still confused about the doctor stating that Castle was always around. Another thing Katherine Beckett has already noticed long ago, but she wasn't really ready to admit. He was always there, meddling in her personal life. He had this ability to keep her out of her head so much that she was just now realizing all of the little things that made him so important to her.

Then she began again, "Well, I asked Castle during that conversation. What about him? Meaning how would he feel is something happened to me? I mean, he was so concerned for how everyone else felt, so how would he feel if about it?"

"Oh, and what did he say?"

"He said of course I would be upset if something happened to you. You are my partner and my friend. And…."

Kate paused. Dr. Burke said, "And. Go on?"

"And well, I jumped in and said 'Oh that's what we are? Then he said that he didn't know what we are, but he knows that he doesn't want anything bad to happen to me."

Kate finished. She looked at Dr. Burke and hoping that is all for today. Isn't the time up she was thinking. She didn't want to go into details about the kiss and almost dying in the freezer. She thought they talked about enough already.

"Why do I get the feeling you are leaving something out?" Dr. Burke was on to her.

"Kate, you are doing really well, but you need to share more. If you aren't comfortable with me, then do you have a friend that you could share with? Maybe not the PTSD, but you should talk with a friend about Castle."

"Yes, I've thought about that. Lanie, she's my friend. I've shut her out a lot. It started with my mother's murder and then this time because I was shot. Actually, I was afraid to admit something between Castle and me. She's been a great friend and I think I will talk to her about Castle."

"Great. That's all for today."

"Thank you for your time Dr. Burke."

Kate made her way out of the doctor office to the parking garage. She climbed in her car. She thought about everything that she and the doctor talked about. She was surprised at all that she was able to get out and surprised at all the revelations that came with it. As she made her way to the precinct, she thought about having this conversation with Lanie. It's time to let Lanie back in. Maybe she can help she thought.

**Stay tuned for the next chapter. I'll have it up soon! Thanks for reading and please share.**


	2. Last Night

**Thank you so much for alerting and commenting. Special shout out to LittleLizzieZentana, sarahdarling, WhoKnows1125, LadyAilith and ! Thanks for reading please share! Hugs!**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Castle, but I've got my imagination.**

**A/N: I had a lot of fun researching and making up the case. I loved also the banter that I naturally came up with between Castle and Beckett. I would like to think I'm witty and well people that know say that I've always got an opinion and I roll my eyes a lot like Beckett. I've watched myself lately and it's kind of creepy, but true. I truly love this show and with them not getting closer together yet...well like all Castle fans...I'm dying. So I've decided to write my own version to get them there, but I won't have them moving in, making babies or getting married just yet. I think boyfriend and girlfriend are about all they can handle at the moment. I will be getting a little "M", but I will post when I get there. Not sure on length yet, but from being a fan fic shipper myself well I lose my interest after like 20 chapters at times. So maybe somewhere around there. We'll see, but please keep reading, sharing, rating, reviewing or whatever it is that you do. Just keeping smiling!**

Detective Beckett is sitting at her desk at the 12th Precinct doing paperwork from a case they closed the day before. Castle walks in with two cups of fine java that he picked up on the way in. He's wearing his black pea coat with a purple scarf. Kate has been noticing more in the last few weeks on how handsome he looks. She catches his eyes while he is walking in and she can't help but smile without giving away what she is thinking. Here's the guy that she owes about 100 coffees, well make that 101 now. Castle notices her smiling in his direction and he turns behind him to see who or what she is smiling about.

"Good Morning, Detective. You're smiling?" Castle says with a bit of wonder and turns back to face her while placing the coffee in front of her.

"Oh, nothing," while looking down at the coffee cup placed in front of her with a smirk on her face.

"Ha, ok," says Castle and he takes his chair next to her desk and cross his right leg over his left knee still looking for an answer. He doesn't pry with her. If she doesn't want to share, then she won't. He knows that about her.

Kate gives in a little and says, "Well, I believe you had mentioned the fact that I owed you….like 100 coffees, so I guess this makes 101?

"Oh, so you are keeping track now? After 4 years?" he asks.

Kate just smiles and acknowledges Detective Ryan and Detective Esposito as they walk up to her desk. "Good Morning, guys. What do we got?"

Ryan starts, "We've got a body on 68th street on the Upper Eastside."

Beckett looks to Castle, grabbing her coat off the back of her chair, "Let's go."

They walk up to the building where the crime scene has been taped off. A uniform lifts the yellow tape to let Beckett and Castle into the area. Beckett walks over to Lanie to find out what she found out about the victim.

(…)

"Lanie, who's this?" asks Kate.

"Name is Sydney Watson, 35 years old. It wasn't a robbery. Uniforms found cash, credit cards and license in her purse. The address I believe was in Soho," Lanie answered Beckett.

"She's right, Beckett? The address is on the corner of Canal and Greene in Soho," said Det. Ryan.

"Ok, that is about 3 blocks from here." She kneels down to get a closer look. "Ryan, you and Esposito go to the address and see if anyone is home. Find out all you can from the neighbors and the doorman," Beckett said as she stands up over the victim. You could tell that she was running through her head what might have transcribed in this area and how this girl ended up killed. "Lanie, I will check in with you for a time of death once you get her back to the lab," says Beckett.

"Ok, I'll call you," Lanie replied.

Beckett looks at Castle. She isn't sure why he is so quiet. He is usually making a joke or coming up with an outlandish theory on how the victim was killed. She sees him reading a text message or something from his cell phone. "Hey Castle, what's wrong?" noticing the concern on his face.

"Well, I'm not sure exactly. I sent a message to Alexis earlier this morning because I wanted to find out when she was coming home from her sleepover with a friend. She hasn't answered me back yet and that isn't like her." Castle said as he look up to Kate with worry in his eyes.

"What time did you text her?" Kate asked.

"It was about 8 o'clock this morning," he replied.

"And it was a sleepover with a bunch of girls?" Kate asked.

"Yes. Probably 6 or 7 of them at her friend Paige's house," he replied.

"And it is 10:30 right now," as she looks at her watch. "Castle, I'm pretty sure they are still sleeping. You know these teenage girls probably stayed up all night watching movies and talking about boys. I told you that all girls go through a 'bad girl' stage, Castle."

"Don't tell me that. She is never leaving the house again." He looks at Kate, "Do you think they are still sleeping?" he asked.

"Yes, Castle. I was once a teenage girl and this probably happened each time we had a sleepover. And if you ask me, you are reading too much into this. She'll text you as soon as she wakes up. You'll see." she told him.

"Ok, maybe you are right." he replied. He was still standing there with a concerned look on his face.

Kate hit him on the arm and said, "Come on. Let's head back to the 12th and I'll buy you a coffee. Make it an even 100 again," as she smiled at him. He smiled back and they left the scene.

(…)

Meanwhile, Alexis is rolling over on a braided area rug at her friend's house. She rolls over to find a boy lying next to her on the floor in Paige's room. She is shocked, her head is pounding, the room is spinning and it's so very bright. She squints to look up in the direction of the bed and she sees Paige, a boy she doesn't recognize and another girl dangling over the edge. Alexis tries to get the attention of Paige.

"Paige!," Alexis says in a sharp, but loud kind of whisper. No movement at all.

Alexis tries to get up and rolling the other direction from the boy lying next to her. There are more people sleeping behind her. She thinks to herself bringing her hands up to wipe the sleep from her eyes, 'What the heck happened?' There are red solo cups everywhere in the room and it smelled of stale beer and vomit. She stood up and went to stand over Paige in her bed.

"Paige!" she touched her on the back and shook her a little bit. Paige opened her eyes slowly.

"What?" Paige replied in a sharp tone.

"Umm, it is about 11:30 and we had a party last night. There are about…" Alexis turns to count the people just in the room, "about 10 people passed out in your room. It smells and….oh, aren't your parents come home this afternoon from vacation?" Alexis rants in a panic while rubbing her head. She doesn't remember drinking that much if anything at all, but her head is pounding to the beat of her heart.

"Oh my God," Paige jumps up fully on her feet on top of her mattress. She looks around the room and then looks down to the boy that was lying at her side. She looks to Alexis and says, "Who's that? I don't know him. Does he go to school with us?"

"Umm, I have no idea who he is either," and as she looks around the room, "and I'm sure he isn't the only one," Alexis tells Paige.

"Come on. We need to get them out, clean this place up and do damage control later," said Alexis.

Paige ran to the bathroom because she looked as though she was going to be sick. Alexis fell back down on her pillow and felt something under it. She lifted the pillow and found her cell phone. She pressed the home button and noticed 2 missed calls and 12 text messages displayed on the screen. She began to read through them. She had a few from some friends, a few from her Dad and one from Kate. She replied back to her father because she knows that he would be worried about her.


	3. The Borrower

**Disclaimer: I'm being told that I will never own Castle, even if I work for an affliate with ABC. There must be a loop hole.**

**A/N: Shown here is a little of Beckett being Castle's best friend and given him advice about Alexis. She is so good at this and love to keep adding it. You might see it more in chapters to come. I would like to work on the relationship of Kate and Alexis which I know will be coming up on the show, so I'm going to write my own thing. I would love to be a fly on the wall in Marlowe's cave. Just saying! Remember, the more reviews and suggestions the better us fan fic writers will get. Yes, yes be patient. I know we all love a little "M" in our lives. **

Castle is in the breakroom making 2 cups of coffee. His phone vibrates on the counter. He had it sitting out with vibration on and alert because he is worried about why she isn't responding to his messages. He fumbles the phone because he is so excited it finally went off. It's from Alexis and it reads: "Dad, I'm fine. Kate is right. We stayed up late doing makeovers on each other and we just got up. I'll be home for dinner. Love you!"

He is bursting with a smile. Usually he likes to banter with Detective Beckett, but at this point he is so happy that she was right. He grabs the coffee and heads for her desk to tell her the news.

"Detective Beckett,"with a smirk on his face. "You will be happy to know that you were correct. Alexis texted me back and she is fine. They stayed up late doing makeovers."

"Well, it isn't about being right. I just know 17 year old girls, Castle. Stick with me and you won't get an ulcer," says Beckett with a wink.

Esposito comes walking off the elevator with Det. Ryan towards Beckett's desk. "Yo, Beckett, we asked everyone in her apartment building if they saw or heard anything unusual," said Esposito.

"And?" replied Beckett.

"Well we spoke to the neighbor that lived in 4C. She said that she heard screaming and yelling come from the apartment. It got louder so she moved to her door to look through the peep hole and she saw a man leaving our vic's apartment," says Ryan.

"And what time was this?" asks Beckett.

"Mrs. Wellington, the 4C lady, said that it was 12 o'clock noon because the Price is Right was just coming on," Ryan replied.

"Ok, and did you talk to the doorman in the building? Did he see this man leave or hear anything himself?" asked Beckett.

"Well he doesn't recall hearing anything because the apartment was on the 4th floor, but he remembers a man running out from the building in a hurry yesterday and he was getting a ticket for being double parked," Esposito replies. "We've got the security tapes from outside the building and we are checking with traffic to find out a name if it was reported.

"Great, let me know what you find out." said Beckett.

The phone rings at her desk. She goes to answer, "Beckett."

The other person is speaking on the other line and Beckett replies, "Ok, Lanie. We'll be right down."

Beckett looks at Castle and says, "Lanie, has something she wants us to see. Let's go."

(…)

Beckett and Castle walk into the morgue to meet Lanie at the table. "Lanie, what do you got?" asks Kate.

"I've narrowed down your time of death to between 12 – 2," Lanie says.

"Well that rules out our mystery guy," says Castle.

"Well not exactly, Castle. I mean he is seen leaving the apartment at 12, but that doesn't mean that he didn't kill her. There is more time there not accounted for and we haven't seen the tapes from the building yet, " says Beckett.

Castle just looks at her. "I don't know. I just have a feeling that he didn't do it."

"A feeling? Castle, we don't go on _**feelings**_. We go where the evidence leads us," and she rolls her eyes while turning back to Lanie.

Castle just walked around the table looking at the body.

"Lanie, tell me about the cause of death that you mentioned on the phone," asked Beckett.

"Ah, yes. Well like I mentioned she was choked from behind because as you can see by the finger imprints. Judging by the size of the fingers, I would say the killer is a male, " Lanie said.

"Oh, that is very stereotypical, Lanie. It could be a woman with man hands, " Castle laughs and says, "Did you see that episode on Seinfeld about the lady with man hands?" He looks at Beckett and she is just glaring at him. He replies to the look, "I'm just going to go stand over here." She nods.

"Go on, Lanie, " says Beckett.

"Well I was going over the body and the bump I saw on the back of her head, I think she was shoved down onto the pavement very hard. I found tar and other substances of that nature in her hair and skin. It had to be quite the force, so I would say you are looking for a very large, tall and strong…MAN, " Lanie said looking at Castle. He just glared at her.

"Ok, thanks Lanie, " said Beckett smiling at her.

(…)

Castle and Beckett are sitting at the whiteboard. Picture of the victim and information that Lanie gave them listed on the board.

"Yo, Beckett, we've found our double parker. Uniforms are bringing him in now," says Esposito. They all look to the elevator and a guy coming off the elevator with uniforms. "He's headed to the interrogation room."

"Thanks." she says. "Ok, Come on, Castle. Let's see if he can tell us why he was having a tiff with Sydney."

(…)

Beckett and Castle are sitting opposite of Todd Woller, the double parker. Beckett pulls out the victim's picture and slides it across the table. "Do you know her?" she asks.

"Yes, I know her. She is my step sister, " says Todd.

"Step sister, huh? And what were you fighting about yesterday at about 12 o'clock?" Beckett asks.

"I wasn't fighting with her!" says Todd.

"Really? What do you call it then? I have a witness that says that you were definitely fighting and they saw you leave the apartment at 12, remember? Were you wondering how I knew that?" says Beckett. "So tell me the truth Todd. What were you fighting with Sydney about?"

"Ok, ok. She was upset with me because I owe her and her boyfriend money. She lent it to me to cover some debt. I'm a bit of a gambler, but I was trying to get clean. I was going to pay off all of my debt, get a steady job and try to get more time with my daughter. Sydney was very supportive, but," says Todd.

"But, what?" Beckett asked.

"Well Sydney's boyfriend, Cameron didn't approve of me asking for money. He hates me and he always told Sydney that I wasn't good for it. I would never be able to pay her back. Stuff like that. One day about two weeks ago I went over to her place to pick up the $300 dollars that she was giving me to pay off the last of it. He answered the door. He yanked me inside and shoved the envelope to my chest. He pushed me up against the wall making an indentation of my head in the wall. He told me to not ask her for money anymore and to never speak to her again. Sydney wasn't home." says Todd.

"Her boyfriend, is he a big guy and does he have a last name?" he pauses. "I mean, he's got to be if he almost put you through the wall, right?" Castle asks.

"Yes, he is very tall and probably weighs around 300lbs. He works as a bouncer at Pegu Club in Soho part time and then he leaches off of my sister," says Todd. "His last name is McNalley. Cameron McNalley."

"What nights can he be found there? Also, do you have an address of where he lives?" asks Beckett.

"I'm not sure about the address. I believe it is in Mid Town and I believe he lived with his mother, " said Todd. "I bet right now he is working every night because he needs the money."

"Another thing that we were fighting about that day was the fact that her boyfriend is a loser. She deserved better and I wanted to see her happy, " said Todd as he looked down at his folded hands.

"Well, you are free to go for now, but don't leave town. We might need to ask you a few more questions, "says Beckett.

Todd leaves the interrogation room. Castle and Beckett stay in the room. Beckett looks back at the interrogation window and tells Esposito and Ryan to check on this information on Cameron McNalley and put an APB out on him.


	4. Confides

**Disclaimer: Ok, if I can't own Castle which I found no loop hole. Then I want to own Lanie. That girl is a hoot.**

**A/N: This chapter is a much needed conversation that needed or needs to happen between Lanie and Beckett. If they are BFF's on screen, then as BFF's do they gossip and talk about men! Come on Marlowe! Plus, hello Beckett needs some people to reflect off of and heck Castle needs some man bro's to reflect off of because Alexis is leaving for school and his mother is...well I love Martha, but gee whiz he needs more man buddies. So that will be coming up more in chapters to come. I freaking love Lanie and I hope I made her believeable in this. Please rate, rap a note, sing a ditty, whatever it is that you do. Send it my way! Yo, keep smiling!**

Beckett is sitting at her desk waiting for the boys to call saying they've got a whereabouts on the boyfriend, Cameron. She is catching up on paperwork and reading some emails. As usual, Castle is sitting in his chair next to her desk. He is being annoying and distracting, but she can't tell him to go away. She can't bring herself to tell him, 'Don't you have something better to do than watch me do paperwork?' Things are very different than when she felt she was stuck with him. Now she can't imagine him not being there with her. Truth be told, Castle can't imagine being anywhere else either.

Beckett's phone rings and she reaches past her coffee cup to answer it.

"Beckett," she answers. The other person on the line is talking to her. "Yes, I'm ready. I'll meet you downstairs." Beckett stands up from her desk and grabs her jacket off the back of her chair.

"Was that Ryan or Esposito with a lead? Or another murder?" Castle asked her while jumping up out of his chair. Almost like a kid in a candy store.

"No, Castle. I'm going to lunch with Lanie. And no you can't come."

"Lanie? Does she eat? Hmm, and why can't I come? Ohhh, girl talk. Got it," said Castle with a smirk on his face.

"Wow, Castle, you are getting better at figuring out women. There's hope for you yet." Beckett said. She always got the last comment of wit out. She's so clever like that.

Castle just smiled standing next to her desk watching her head for the elevator and says, "Have fun. I'll see you later."

She looked back at him and smiled.

(…)

Beckett and Lanie are seated at the Fresh Food Kitchen in the Upper East Side. They've already ordered their lunch.

"So girl, what's up? We never have lunch together. Shoot, I never have time for it," says Lanie.

"Neither do I," laughs Kate. She looks out the window into the street. She knows that it is good for her to talk to someone, but it is still hard to tell Lanie. Even if Lanie is one of her best friends. For so long, she has kept everything to herself. She hasn't been much of a sharer. People do have to pry information from her, but in order for her to move on she needs to really put her trust into people that are close to her. Lanie can tell that she is uneasy.

"Girl, what's going on? Where did you just go right now?" as she looks into Kate's eyes with concern.

"Lanie, what I am about to talk to you about you can NOT tell anyone. You are one of my best friends. Please. You can't tell Esposito either. Ok, promise me," Beckett pleaded with her.

"Okay. You are kind of freaking me out a bit. You can trust me. When have you ever not been able to trust me?" Lanie asked.

"Ok, you're right. Well I'm not sure where to begin. I've been going to a therapist again, " said Beckett. Lanie knew that she went to a therapist when they first met. Lanie always pushed when they instantly became friends. She, like Castle, didn't let Beckett close up like a clam. She would push and push until Kate would cave in.

"Ok, that's understandable considering what you have been through," Lanie replied.

"Well my therapist suggested that for a part of my therapy I need to rebuild my other relationships back to where they used to be, so…," Kate told Lanie, but Lanie cut her off.

"Kate, our friendship hasn't changed a bit. I know you and I know who you are. You don't share much and that's ok. I give you space because I know if you need me or want to talk you will. Also, you know where to find me. I will always be here for you," Lanie said.

"Thanks, Lanie. I am so lucky to have you as a friend and I appreciate you, really. You get me."

Kate paused and then she began, "Well, what I want to tell you is that you aren't the only one that gets me."

"I'm not?" Lanie asked with her eyebrows raised, "Who else gets you?" Lanie sits back in her chair with a question look on her face and this her eyes widen and eyebrows raises and she says, "Oh wait, wait, Kate Beckett, have you finally saw the light, girl?" as she reaches across the table to lightly slap at Kate's arm.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Oh no, no, no, don't play coy with me? It's cute, but stop!" Kate is looking at Lanie like she is completely nuts.

"Umm, Castle? Hello? I swear you think I am blind and dumb, " Lanie said.

"Darn it. Really? How did you know?" Kate asked her.

"Oh, you do NOT get to ask me that question! Really? Now, your insulting my intelligence, " Lanie replied. "You have been dancing around this subject with me for a very long time. And pah-lease…the way you and Castle bounce your theories back and forth, " Lanie says just shaking her head while looking at Kate.

"Lanie, what about you and Esposito? The fighting and bickering? What's up with that?" Beckett figured that now Lanie was trying to mess with her. She figured why not throw it back at her.

"Hey, this isn't a you share, I share moment. So will you please tell me what you are going to tell me?" Lanie asked.

"Ok, well you've got to keep this to yourself, " Beckett started and Lanie jumped in.

"Kathrine Beckett, if you do NOT spill it I will…, " Beckett's turn to interrupt her.

"Ok, Castle told me that he love me?" Kate blurted out.

"He did what?" Lanie asked in shock. Almost like she wasn't sure that she heard her correctly.

"You heard me." she replied.

"When did this happen? You aren't even officially together and you got an 'I love you'." Lanie said.

"He told me right after I got shot. While I was lying there on the ground, he told me twice that he loved me." Kate told her as she was remembering that very moment of that day in her head. The words played back ever so clearly each time she thought about it.

"Wait. Esposito told me that you told Castle that you didn't remember anything from that day?" Lanie asked.

"Castle has been talking to Esposito?" Kate asked.

"Kate, they are friends. They go out for drinks at the Old Haunt. Men are worse than women about gossip. Please. " Lanie told her.

"Well, anyway, I lied. I remember everything from that day. The weather, the speech, the shot and his 'I love you', " Kate shared with Lanie.

"Kate, does Castle know this?" she asked.

"No. He asked me in the hospital when he came to visit me and once after that, but I told him I can't remember a thing. It was all a blur is what I told him, " Kate looked to Lanie with her eyes all watered up. When the words came out that she told Lanie, she thought about how Castle would feel to know the truth after she said all these lies each time she was asked.

Lanie jumped on her, "You keep lying to him?"

"Lanie, I feel bad enough. I didn't call him for 3 months and I'm lucky he is even speaking to me. He was pretty upset. I just couldn't talk to him after he told me that. With everything, I just couldn't handle it all. I needed to get away from it all, " Kate told her with her voice breaking trying to get the words out.

Kate continued, "Lanie, I don't want to lie to him at all. If the words weren't such a strong phrase, I would have told him already. I'm not afraid of telling him the truth, I'm afraid of the conversation after I tell him the truth."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to jump all over you. The conversation after the truth is just the truth all over again. I don't know why you keep fighting it. He makes you happy and I know you are scared. You do need to face your feelings, Kate. He has already told you his, " Lanie told her placing her right hand over Kate's left hand to console her.

(…)

Lanie and Kate finished their lunch and they shared a cab back to the 12th. Kate was feeling a little better being able to talk to someone. She is really starting to realize that keeping all of this bottled up inside isn't going to help her overcome her issues.

"Lanie, I think that I really need to tell him. How do I approach this with him? I mean, he will be upset that I've been lying to him, " Kate asked.

"Well, you didn't call him for 3 months and he was mad, but he can't stay mad at you for long. You just need to tell him. Put yourself in his shoes. Is it fair to him? He put himself out there and he deserves to know, " Lanie told her.

"Lanie, we work together, " Kate quickly said.

"Can you really call that 'following you around like a puppy' work?" Lanie said trying to get a little smile at least from Kate.

Kate smirked and glared at her, "Lanie, be serious. It would be awkward. Plus Gates already hates him. If she finds out, he'll be gone."

"Gates doesn't really like anyone. It's the job, you know that. Plus after the last couple of cases I think she has noticed how useful Castle is. Don't you think?" Lanie asked.

"Yeah, I have noticed that too, " Kate said.

"Look, take it one day at a time. She doesn't need to know. Hell, no one needs to know, but girl if you don't communicate with him soon he may not wait around for you, " Lanie pleaded.

They rode in the cab back to the precinct and Kate was deep in thought thinking the conversation she had with Lanie. 'He may not wait around for you' rang in her head. Her therapist said something like this to her before, 'Are you afraid that he won't wait for you….or that he will?' Both of these phrases were playing over and over in her head.

The cab pulls up in front of the 12th and both Lanie and Kate get out.

"Lanie, thanks for the talk and lunch, " said Kate.

"No problem, girl. We need to do this more often and if you ever need to talk, don't be a stranger. I just hope I helped a little bit, " Lanie told her.

"You probably helped more than you know." Kate's phone started ringing. She looked at the caller ID, " It's Esposito. I better take it. Thanks, Lanie," she nodded.

Lanie walked off and into the precinct.

"Beckett." Kate asked answer the phone.

"Yo, Beckett, what's your 20? We went to the club to talk to some of the workers and the owner. They haven't seen Cameron for the last two nights. He was supposed to work last night and he was a no show."

"Ok, so could you find out anything other information on his whereabouts? Anything come up from the APB?" Kate asked.

"Actually that's why I wanted to know your 20. Can you meet us? We got information from a friend at the club that he might be doing some dealing in Washington Heights. Castle is with us. We have a warrant to search the building. We'll wait for you." Esposito told her.

"Ok. Text me the address. I'm at the precinct. I'm on my way." Kate replied and hung up the phone.


	5. The Hunt

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, Castle. Heck, I don't even own my house yet. Yet, if they ask me if I rent or own on applications, well what am I supposed to put there. Especially, if there is no option for "other".**

**A/N: This is mostly about the case. I hope I made the case believeable. I didn't want to drag it out, but I wanted to use some cop stuff that I researched and actually based it on a murder I heard about on TV today. Goodness, I didn't have much to go on, but I made the rest of it up once I new the killer, the motive, the weapon and all that mumbo jumbo. I felt like I was playing Clue for awhile there. But I found out Mrs. Peacock didn't do it. Who has a last name of Peacock, anyway? It's almost like No Hassle Castle.**

Beckett hopped in her Crown Victoria to the address Esposito sent. She called Captain Gates to inform her what the boys had told her about the whereabouts of Cameron, the boyfriend of Sydney. She hated to have to call in her every move, but if something happened to any of them it was for the best. While you are in it, it seems mundane, but when she stood outside of the situation and wrapped her head around it, it was a precaution that they should be getting used to.

Beckett pulls up to the command post set about a block away from the building that was confirmed by her team. She gets out of her car and sees Esposito, Ryan and Castle all in their vests. She reaches in the back seat and pulls her vest out. While walking up to meet them, she puts on her vest and makes eye contact with Esposito, "So what do you got?" she says.

"Well Ryan is talking to his buddy in Narcotics, but I'll tell ya what we found out about Cameron. It seems Cameron has been conducting a little side business of selling heroine throughout Washington Heights with a group called The Strikers." Esposito filled Beckett in.

Castle looks at Beckett, she has this look of 'are you serious?', and Castle says, "You're thinking what I was thinking, right?"

Beckett says, "Probably not, but enlighten me."

Castle begins smugly, "Well originally I went for maybe 'on strike' like from their job or something..."

"Castle, get to the point!" Beckett says with a stern look on her face. She's not amused.

"Ok. The Strikers is their team name for the bowling league." Castle blurts out quickly.

"Seriously?" she replies.

"Yes. Seriously." he answers.

Ryan is just about to wrap up his call. Beckett looks to him as he just shuts his phone, "So what did you find out from your friend?"

"Well he works on the inside. They've made him a member of the group and he's been working with them for 2 months now. He said that he was assigned to find out their suppliers and he is getting really close to catching a big break." Ryan said.

"Ok. Well what can he tell us about our boy, Cameron?" Esposito asked him.

"Well, normally Cameron only deals once a week. Actually, all of them deal once a week so the don't become familiar on the streets. That way they can't be traceable." Ryan replied.

"So what does that mean?" Beckett asks anxiously.

"I'm getting to that. Cameron has been asking to work a lot more recently like in the last few days and he overheard him telling another guy that he needs the money because things were about to get real if he can't pay them back." Ryan told her.

"Who's them?" she asked.

"Well my source doesn't know yet. I've asked him to get close with him or to keep his ears open." Ryan said.

"Ok, Ryan can you meet up with him where we won't blow his cover and get his statement from him. Esposito, find out from the uniforms at the post that have been watching this building, show them the picture of Cameron. Let's find out if he's been here last week, yesterday, today…if so, you guys set up shop outside the area to catch up with Cameron." Beckett gave instructions quickly. "Castle and I are going to the bowling alley to ask some questions and see what we can find out."

Esposito was still standing there looking at Beckett. "Why do we always get the stake outs and you get the fun things like bowling?" he says.

"Sorry guys, let's go, Castle." she said walking away.

Castle and Beckett made their way back to her car. "You know we can't go in there as cops, well you can't go in there as a cop," Castle told her.

"Yes, I know. Do you know how to bowl?" she asked.

"Really? Are we going on date, Detective Beckett?" he smirked and looked at her wincing as if she was going to hit him.

"Castle, call it what you want, but bring you're A game?" she gets in close so they are face to face.

"Oh, it's on." Castle says as he leans in closer finally daring to open his eyes. They are both standing in front of the car by the hood and Beckett turns to head for the driver's side.

"Can I drive?" Castle asks he says standing at the front of the car.

"Nope," she grins back at him. "Someday soon, Castle, but not today."

"Soon?" he asks walking to the passenger side. She loves how she can just have him in the palm of her hand with just a few words or looks. It doesn't take much for the easy mark.


	6. Non Date

**A/N: Thanks for reading and commenting. Please share too! I'm having a good time writing this and it looks like it will go on for awhile. I'm trying to go around the same time line as the show, but when it comes to summer hiatus then I might be making more of it up in my head for sure. Well I'm already making it up in my head, but this is the part that I feel we don't get to see on the show. We get a lot of the banter between them, but some of this side stuff doesn't happen. I'm working my way to some Caskettness soon. I'm a bit of a tease like the writers of Castle. Sorry :( I know what I want to see from all of these characters in my own mind. Now, we briefly go back to Alexis for a moment. Peace, love and happiness!**

**The disclaimer still is that I own nothing in an shape or form of Castle. Wa, wa!**

Alexis and Paige have rushed the last unexpected house guests out. They are both standing at the doorway exhausted and looking at all of the mess that lies before them. Alexis looks at Paige and says, "Let's get started."

Paige goes to the kitchen and comes back with two large black trash bags and she hands one to Alexis. "I don't know how this got so out of hand last night," Paige said.

"Oh, I have an idea," Alexis replied. Paige just looked at her as she was loading bottles and cans into her bag. "Wait? You really don't remember?" And Paige looked up and shrugged her shoulders at Alexis.

"No, what happened?" she asked.

"Everyone posted there is a party at your house on Facebook and Twitter," she answered.

"Who posted it?" Paige asked.

"I think it was Lauren because I overheard her laughing and joking about with her friends last night," Alexis said.

"No way! She was here last night? I didn't invite that backstabber," and she paused," And she posted that crap and it went viral."

"Yep, basically that witch caused this whole mess, but don't worry. Let's clean this up and then we can do damage control, " Alexis told her. "I just don't want you to get in trouble and we don't have much time. Your parents will be back soon. And I have to be home by dinner because I think that my Dad already knows something is up. He was so worried that he even had Detective Beckett text me."

"Really? That's weird. What did she say? Did you get a lecture or did she read you your rights?" Paige smirked at Alexis as she was placing more trash in the bag and picking up the broom to start sweeping while looking back at Alexis.

"Haha, very funny, but no. She was just concerned and worried because he was I guess," Alexis replied. Alexis started grabbing pizza boxes and placing them in her trash bag. She couldn't help not thinking about the real reason why Detective Beckett or Kate, she always asked to be called that by Alexis. Almost like they were friends and if she ever needed anything she knew that if she couldn't go to her father or her grandmother, she could count on Kate. She just felt it was odd that Kate was taking a sudden interest in her well being when even her own mother never checked in on her.

Paige comes up from behind Alexis and taps her on the shoulder," Hey, I thought you were helping? Come on, let's get cleaning." Alexis smiled and began straightening the pillows on the couch.

(…)

Castle and Beckett left the known hangout to get changed into more common every day clothes. Kate went with Castle back to her apartment to put on jeans, white t-shirt, black boots and her jean jacket with leather sleeves. Castle went with Kate back to the loft to put on jeans and a black sweater underneath his khaki jacket. They still probably won't fit in being that this area is known for killers, drug dealers and most scum of the earth, but at least they won't look like cops.

They arrive at the closest bowling alley from the known hangout in Washington Heights. Castle had already mapped out a possible 5 locations from the known hangout. To their surprise they got lucky with the first stop. It isn't a great neighborhood and these aren't just people "hanging out" outside the bowling alley as they pull up. Castle, as usual says exactly what is on his mind, " This could be the place because the commune out here looks like a drug bust just waiting to happen."

"Well, we aren't here to bust anyone just yet. We need to ask some questions or snoop without blowing our covers." Kate said.

"Right, our date," he replied quickly.

Beckett just looked at him sitting in the passenger seat. "A date? At a place like this? Oh, I thought I was more important to you?" she smiled, while biting her lower lip and grabbed the door handle to open her door leaving Castle still sitting in the car.

He reached for his handle quickly, "Okay, okay no date. Just a friendly game of bowling," smiling and hoping he recovered with that statement. He was running to try to keep up with her because she was already halfway to the entrance by now.

Now inside after Castle held the door open for her, she says, "Ok, here's the plan. We'll get shoes and play, the whole bit. After a while you will go to the restroom and I will check out the board behind the counter. Usually they list the teams and we can find out when or if they even play here. I'll probably get us some drinks so it isn't too obvious."

"Ok, sounds like a plan." he replied.

She begins to walk to the counter and then she turns back to him quickly, " Castle, can you stick to a plan?" she asked with a serious look.

"I'm hurt," with a shocked looked on his face. "Of course I can stick to a plan."

"Well, you are the king of going rogue you know, " she smirked. Then she turned serious, " No, seriously, if you see someone that fits the description of Cameron or any of these players just let me know and we can talk to them together. Don't get yourself into trouble."

"I'm with you. How can I possibly get into trouble? Now let's play, please, " as he turns her around and nudges her towards the counter.

They play a game and Kate wins by three pins. " I want a rematch," Castle says while pouting.

"Ok, but I don't know why you put yourself through the pain. I don't think you can handle it, " she replies. "But for now we need to stick to the plan." She looks over to the counter and there is no one around. "Ok, go to the restroom and I'll go to get us a couple drinks. I'll meet you back here in a few, " she leaves for the counter and he leaves in the other direction to the restroom.

She reaches the counter and no one is there, so she looks behind the counter at this large white poster with black lettering on it and it reads:

Washington Height Bowling Alley Tournament

$30.00 to enter per person beginning this Friday Night 7PM

Just as she finishes reading the poster, a short man with salt and pepper hair comes out to the counter to greet her, "What can I get ya?"

"Can I get two beers please?" Kate replied.

He reaches in the cooler just behind him to the left and turns back to remove the tops and places them on the counter in front of Kate saying, "Five dollars even." She hands him the cash. " Hey, I was wondering about the tournament that starts on Friday, is it just for leagues or open to the public?" she asks.

"It's just for leagues," he replies, " But the public can watch. The teams are listed on that dry erase board over there and he points to his right. It has an advertisement of Budweiser just above the words on the board. She goes over to look at the list as she thanks him for the information. She reads the list of names and the third from the bottom hand written in says The Strikers and they are listed to play Saturday at 7:30PM.

She turns to head back to meet Castle with her two beers in hand and she notices Castle is already back. She walks up behind him sitting in a chair facing the lane. She reaches over his left shoulder to place the beer on the table in front of him. He looks up while reaching for his beer she just placed down and says, "So what did you find out?"

"Their team is playing this Saturday night, "she replied.

"Great. So we can come back and see if Cameron shows and finally bring him in for questioning, right?" Castle says.

"That's the plan, but first, " she stretches and heads to grab a ball and walks back toward him placing her fingers in the holes on the ball and looks up at him, " I need to make you cry like a little girl."


	7. The Tournament

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. This dude name Marlowe does though. I've been trying to get an appointment with him. They say he doesn't know me. Shoot! I need a more popular name like Stana Katic or Nathan Fillion.**

**A/N: This is their undercover work. I love it when they kind of go rogue and get all dangerous. I keep coming back for their relationship, but a close second reason is because of their going rogue. I'm wondering if Gates is going really hold them to the fact that they need to call in their whereabouts while working on the cases now. I like them just running off to catch the bad guys and they have no idea what they are walking into. I guess we'll have to wait and see. I'm working up in my mind how I would end this season this year. I'm trying to write it before we get there. I'm running out of freaking time though. Keep reading, rating, doing jumping jacks, getting that heart pumping, oops, that is what the trainer tells me to do. Sorry! You know what to do!**

It's Saturday evening at about 5 o'clock and Beckett is at her apartment searching through the cupboards and the refrigerator for something to eat. She figured that she should probably have something before heading out to what could make for a very long night then her door bells rings. She goes to answer the door and there stands Castle. "Hey, Castle, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I was thinking maybe we could get a quick bite to eat before heading to the precinct to meet the boys," he replied and was secretly crossing his fingers behind his back waiting for a reply.

"I think you must have read my mind. I was just looking for something here, but I came up with nothing, "she said, "Let me grab my things and we can go."

"Great. Take your time. I'll wait out here." He could hardly contain his joy that was surely making his cheeks become pink.

She was gone for not even five minutes and back with her jacket she wore the other night to the bowling alley. She turned to her door and locked it then along with Castle making their way to the elevator.

(…)

After grabbing a quick bite to eat, they now were in the Crown Victoria headed for the bowling alley to meet Esposito and Ryan. Beckett sent them a text while they were eating to tell them to go ahead of them.

"So what's the plan tonight?" Castle asks while they are sitting at a red light.

"Well, we all need to blend in as much as possible. Ryan and Esposito are already there with some firemen buddies that have a team. They are just hanging out and having some beers, "Beckett told him.

"Ok, so we are going to hang out with them?" Castle asks.

"No, we are going to find a place at a table near The Strikers and see if we can pick up on anything and find Cameron possibly, " she replies.

So they arrive to the alley and now inside Beckett does everything according to the plan. She looks up and sees Esposito, so she sends him a text telling him that they are there. She sees an open table, but she isn't sure that is where The Strikers are bowling. Her phone vibrates in her hand and it's from Espo reading 'Lane 11'. She looks up over her head and sees Lane 7, so she makes her way down to 11 looking for a table and Castle follows. She doesn't see anything open so she goes to the counter. The same short man with salt and pepper hair is standing at the counter that she spoke to the other day.

"What can I get ya?" he asks. "Ok, hey, you were here the other day. I guess you made it out."

"Yes." She wasn't sure if that was a good thing that he remembered her being here. "We'll take a couple of beers, please."

"You got it."

Castle grabs the beers and follows her to a table near Lane 11. She sits and leans into him while she is sitting into her chair. She whispers, "Espo says they are playing at Lane 11."

"Oh ok. Well, let's size them up. Did he say if anyone fit Cameron's description?" he asks.

"I'm not sure. Let me ask him," while she is looks toward the team. It is made up of 8 men and there are women around them cheering in support she assumes. It is hard to make an ID at her angle then her phone vibrates. The text reads, 'Ryan's friend is there. White Yankee hat, no sign Cameron.'

Beckett texts back, 'Ok, well let's wait it out.'

"What did he say?" Castle asks.

"The one with the Yankee hat is Ryan's inside guy from Narcotics," she replies.

"Oh ok, I see him. Any sign of Cameron?" he asks.

"No, not yet."

"Do you suppose they killed him because he owes them money and he has no source to get the money from?" Castle is running theories through his head and so was Kate.

"It is possible, but right now we need to talk to Cameron. We need to find out where he was the day she was killed and he is my person of interest right now. We need some answers and we can't find him, which tells me two things. He is hiding because is guilty, but he will have to come out sooner or later. Or that someone is hiding him because he knows something about this case and the real killer doesn't want him to squeal," she says. "What do you think? Is that how you would write it?"

"That could be two very good stories, Detective. I guess we'll see once we find Cameron, dead or alive, " Castle replies. " I need to go to the restroom. I'll be right back."

"Ok." she watches him as he leaves.

Castle finds his way through the crowd of people to the back of the bowling alley near the arcade games. He pushes the door open and heads to the last stall on his left that appears to be available. While inside he hears someone say, "Come on Cameron! Hurry the hell up, your late and we need you, man." Then he hears Cameron's reply, "Ok, ok. I need to put my shirt on and I'll be right there."

Castle gasps for air because of the shock and reaches for his phone inside his pocket. He texts Beckett and tells her that Cameron is in the bathroom right now. She tells him to stall him and talk to him. She will get the boys and meet him at the door to the restroom. Castle steps out of the stall and heads to the free sink near him. He notices in the mirror that this is in fact Cameron. He's wearing a light blue and black bowling shirt like the others with the words The Strikers on the back. Castle notices also that the step brother described him very well; he is a really big guy. He finishes cleaning and drying his hands. He turns to face Cameron who is now taking water and patting down his hairs that were sticking up from pulling his other shirt off. Castle walks closer toward him and asks, "So how are you guys doing tonight?" meaning how are they doing in the tournament.

"We won last night, if we win tonight then we have a chance in the final, but I just got here and I don't know how we are doing tonight," Cameron replied. Despite his frame, he doesn't seem to be as nasty as the step brother made him out to be. Then Castle thought 'last night?' Beckett said they were scheduled to play tonight, but then it struck him that he needed to stall Cameron.

"So maybe you're the ace in the hole that your team needs, " Castle begins again trying to keep him talking.

Cameron just laughs and says, " Yeah something like that." Then Castle notices in the mirror that he just rolls his eyes. Castle thinks to himself, this guy probably thinks I'm a nut.

Cameron heads to leave and opens the door to exit. There stood Esposito and Ryan on the other side. Both of them holding up their badges and looking up to Cameron saying, " NYPD, are you Cameron McNally? We would like to ask you some questions." They just finished that phrase and Cameron took off for the exit of the bowling alley. He's a big guy, but he's super tall also. With his strides he was a quarter of the way to the exit already and pushing anything in his way to get there.

Castle looks at Beckett and says, "Guilty much?" And she just takes off after Esposito and Ryan who are already chasing Cameron to the exit.

Once outside of the bowling alley, Cameron heads across the parking lot to the last row of vehicles. Beckett is standing on the steps leading into the bowling alley and she sees him go behind a vehicle in the back row. She also sees Ryan and Esposito heading in that general direction, so she takes off at Beckett speed to the area. She gets to the last row of vehicles and she draws her Glock. She isn't sure if he got into a vehicle, was hiding behind one or even if he is armed, so prepares herself. She looks to her left and sees Esposito and she looks to her right and sees Ryan. She motioned to them that Cameron is in the direction of the Black GMC Yukon. She saw him go behind it. She motions for them to work their way around the vehicles from their directions and she will take it down the middle right at the vehicle. She squats down to see if the street lights will help her out to see if she can locate where he is, but it is dark. She can't make out anything except for the mud puddle at the right side end of the vehicle where there was light. The water was moving in the puddle, but there was no Cameron. Now there are red and blue lights flashing because Esposito had called in for back up as he was chasing Cameron out of the bowling alley. She follows down the left side of the vehicle where this puddle was located and she got to the passenger side door then she heard some scuffling coming from under the vehicle. She squatted down again to see if she could see anything, but it was too late. She turns to face the hood and finds Cameron had gotten out from under the black Yukon and grabbed Castle who was stupidly following behind her. He put his left arm around his neck while placing his gun up to Castle's head. Detective Ryan is the closest now and shouts, "Drop the gun!" Ryan says coming from behind a vehicle closest to Cameron and Castle. Cameron is facing in the direction of Beckett.

He pulls the gun off of Castle's neck and points it at Ryan yelling and shaking," Back off man or I'll shoot him, I will," and places the gun at Castle's neck again.

"Look, why did you run? They've just got some questions for you," Castle says to Cameron while making uncomfortable faces because Cameron is kind of choking him.

"Shut up. Don't you know I have a gun, man!" Cameron shouts in his right ear.

"Oh, I'm well aware," Castle replies.

"Castle, I don't think you are helping," as Kate glares at him for basically telling him to 'shut up' with her eyes. "Look, Cameron, it's true we just have some questions for you and I'm not sure why you ran away or why you are doing this now. I've got to say though, you aren't helping yourself here. This kind of makes you look guilty," Beckett tells him.

"I'm not guilty of anything, lady," he says. Kate starts walking closer and she looks into his eyes.

"Don't you see what this looks like? We just need to ask you questions about Sydney. So I need you to lower that gun," she is staring right into his eyes while standing in her stance with her gun up. His eyes are all glossed over and he beginning to loosen his grip around Castle's neck. He lowers his gun and it falls out of his hand. Esposito and Ryan run to grab him and put the cuffs on him. Beckett goes over to grab the gun from the ground. "Guys, don't cuff him. He's not armed and I need to ask him some questions," she looks at Cameron, " I'm sure he will going willingly down to the station, am I right?"

"Yes," Cameron agreed.

"Espo, take him down to the station and we'll be on our way," she said. Ryan and Esposito guided him to their car and she started walking to her Crown Victoria. Castle was just left standing there in the same spot where Cameron was just holding him at gun point.

"Beckett," Castle calls for her, but she keeps walking to her car. He knows then that he has completely pissed her off. He once again didn't follow instructions and almost got himself killed as well as her and her team. He starts walking to the car while rubbing his neck that still hurts from Cameron almost choking him. She is just sitting in the driver seat and hasn't even started the car yet. He walks up to the passenger side door and looks in. She seems to be sitting in the car and what looks like a total state of shock. He gets in and shuts the door. He looks over to her and she just staring out the window over the dash, not looking at anything in particular. His mind goes to the many times that she just told him 'don't speak' and he wondered if this was one of those times. He decided to chance it, "Hey, I know you are mad. I don't listen and I put everyone in jeopardy, including myself," he broke the ice. "I'm sorry."

The words were said although it went back to silence and then she finally looked at him. Her green eyes were glossed over and she finally found the words, "Castle," looking straight into his eyes," How many times are you going to say you are sorry?" she said. He started to comment back to her and she stopped him, " Wait, just listen to me for a minute, please," as she placed her hand on his forearm and she turned in her seat to face him. "You can't follow me into every dark alley, every unknown situation…I'm trained for this, I'm a cop. You aren't. If anything ever happens to you, " she paused and looked down at her hands that were folded together in her lap and then she looked back up to him, "If anything ever happens to you, I don't want to be the one that has to tell Martha and Alexis," she tells him. He just looks at her and he can feel her pain. It right there on the surface now. The walls that were hiding this before have came down brick by bricks and she is exposed now to him for the first time he can see it.

"Kate, I am really sorry and I know sorry doesn't always work. I know what I signed up for, " he says to her while grabbing both of her hands in his.

"Ah, Rick, " and she looks out the window then says, " this isn't like signing up for the boys scouts," she says looking back at him.

"Kate, remember you asked me last year, why do I keep coming back? Don't you see, I keep coming back for you, for you Kate. I keep coming back for you," he says raising his voice because he feels she isn't taking him seriously. A part of him can't blame her because 80 percent of the time he is the child within, but right now he is very serious. One thing he was sure of is that this time, she was conscious when he said how he felt.

"Why? I don't need protection," she says to him.

He just looks at her. She can't be this completely lost or is this her scrambling to put those bricks back up quickly, to put the wall back where it belongs. He decided it was the latter because he knows that she is very smart and intuitive. He is trying to decide if it is time to let her get away with dismissing this conversation or putting it on hold like so many other conversations they started when things got heavy, but they never end up finishing them. He thought for a few minutes and then he looked to her saying, "Can you drop me off at my place? I just want to lie down and you have to get back to the precinct to talk to Cameron." He faced the dash in the car and put his hand up to rub his neck once again. She watched him for a few seconds and then she put on her belt, started the car and began to drive off.


	8. The Break In Case

**Disclaimer: If I can't own Castle, this chapter I would love to own Stana Katic. She did some awesome acting in this scene. She's amazing, don't y'all think? **

**A/N: Kate and Castle manage to get into a little tiff here. Kate can't share her full emotions and Castle is starting to get a little annoyed about her always holding back and pushing him away. All he wants is her to let him in and let him help her. He knows that after that, everything will fall into to place. I believe it too Castle. Don't worry man! She'll come around. She loves you! Sorry, a little words of encouragement for my main man! You know what to do you peeps. Yo! I forgot that you should really follow me on twitter and tweep me anytime. If you need encouragement, love, happiness...well I'm your girl! Twitter handle: tfnmal23! Also, check me out on /tfnmal23!**

Kate was now alone driving herself to the 12th. Not a word was spoken the rest of the ride from the parking lot to Castle's loft. In fact, she dropped him out front and there wasn't so much as a 'see ya later', 'call you later', 'goodbye' or what he really loved to say 'Until Tomorrow Detective'. All she heard was the door closing shut. Now she was alone to her thoughts, which for Kate, could never be a good thing. She thought, 'What the hell am I doing? What am I waiting for? Lanie, would smack me right now. How did that conversation go so wrong?' There were many more phrases and questions running in her head.

She pulled up in front of the precinct, got out and made her way up to her desk. She doesn't have time to focus on all of this right now. She needs to get some answers from Cameron. It won't be easy because Castle is always there and with him there, she can read what he's thinking while in front of her. Now he isn't so this won't be easy, trying to wonder what he is thinking and feeling from a distance.

The elevator opens and she unbuttons her coat, removes it and places it on the back of her chair. She looks up and Ryan is coming towards her desk with some folders in his hands, "Hey, where's Castle?"

"I took him home. He was tired," she replied, completely stretching the truth.

"Oh ok. Well, I ran some checks that you asked about bank accounts, large sums of money and came up with nothing. Actually Cameron didn't have any accounts except with his mother. A saving account and the most it ever had in it was $500 and some change. And also, his job was paying him cash under the table because he wasn't working that much."

"Ok, well I'm going to go in there and get his whereabouts during the murder, " she said. She took the folder from Ryan with Cameron's background check and record. She began reading through it while she opened the door to the interrogation room. Despite how big Cameron was she got the impression in the parking lot that he just a big teddy bear. There was nothing about assault on his part, but it shows that he was assaulted at his bouncer job. He had some drug charges and resisting arrest. He did a nickel in Upstate New Yorker about 3 years ago. After reading she looked up and saw Cameron watching her as she read his file, "So Cameron," as she put the folder still open on the table and took the seat across from him, "I want to ask you about your relationship with Sydney Watson. Define your relationship if you would." She sat back in her chair resting one arm on top of the table looking relaxed. This is her classic pose to stare her victim in the eye. Her victim, in her room, at this time and moment was Cameron. Little does he know that she is their fighting for the true victim, Sydney.

"She was my girlfriend," he replied. She watched his facial expressions because it wasn't always about what was said. It was mostly about what wasn't said that matter most in detecting if someone had something to do with the murder. His expression showed genuine concern for his girlfriend and not what she expected.

"When did you last see her alive?" she asked.

"The day before she was killed," he replied. "I normally stay at her place, but my mother is very sick and has leukemia. She really hasn't been doing well and I'm all she has, so I went home to stay with my mother."

"Ok, do you know of anyone that would want to harm her?" she asked.

"Well no one comes to mind, but her step brother is involved with some rough people. I've been worried for awhile now, but each time I would say something to Sydney we would get into a huge fight about him."

"Yes, we've spoken to Todd. He said that Sydney was helping him get out a gambling debt and helping him to clean up his life. Is that the truth?" she asked.

"Yes, but these people that he owes aren't just some bookies. They are some rough people and if they don't get their dough, well…they start taking lives," he replied. "I'm not in any better shape because I've been back to selling drugs just to get money to pay for medical bills for my mother."

"Cameron, do you think that Todd would harm his step sister?" she asked.

"I'm not positive. I know for sure that he didn't like me and the feelings were mutual. I think we both looked at each other in the same light because it seemed we were both using her to get us out of trouble. The well was drained dry though. She had to borrow money from her father and that was something she hated doing. She would look at it like a loan and had intentions of paying him back, however he would use it as leverage to hold it over her head like she owed him because of it. Todd and I were both putting pressure on her and I'm surprised she put up with it. Sadly, if she was still here, I would tell her how much I appreciated her. She was not just my girlfriend Detective, she was my best friend and I took her for granted," he said with a choke in his voice and he looked down at his cuffed hands to the table.

"Cameron, so I need to ask you. On the day of the murder, between 12 and 2pm where were you?" she asked her routine question.

"I was with my mother and her nurse at her apartment," he answered.

"Ok, we are going to hold you until we get your alibi checked out. She began to walk out then she turned back to him, "One last question," one she already thought she knew the answer to, but she is reading expressions still, "Why did you run from us at the bowling alley?"

"I thought you were there to bust me for the drugs in my bowling bag. Remember, I just told you that I started dealing again to help me pay for my mother's doctor bills," he replied quickly.

"Ok," she said. "Where's the bowling bag?"

"In the locker at the bowling alley," he said.

"Ok, we'll need to check that out too. So they'll be putting you in lock up for awhile," she said as she left through the door.

She walked up to the Ryan and Esposito's desk. "So did you watch in the observation room?"

Ryan piped up, "Yep. We are going to talk to the mother and head to the bowling alley to check on the bag."

"How about Ryan you stay here and call the mother? We don't need to go see her or the nurse because I have a hunch that Cameron is telling the truth," she said. "Espo, will you go with me to the bowling alley? Let's see if we can find the drugs in the locker."

They began heading for the elevator and then she turned to go back and tell Ryan, "One more thing, after you talk to the mother call me, but also call uniforms to pick up Todd again. I need to know where his bookies are because I think one of them might be responsible. I was looking at this photograph on the murder board taken of Sydney. Look at that mark on her neck. It looks like an S from maybe a ring embedded in her neck. Our killer had ring on and I'm wondering if Todd didn't really pay off those bookies. I think they might have come for the source because he didn't give them the money. Anyway, check on it for me."

"Ok, you got it," Ryan said.

She left him to meet with Esposito at her Crown Victoria downstairs.

(…)

Now at the bowling alley, she spoke with the manager that she's met for the third time, the same desk clerk that she asked questions to during her undercover work. She told him that she needed to search the lockers in the men's restroom. He led her to the way and Esposito had the bolt cutters. There were 10 lockers all with locks on them, so because Cameron didn't give them a locker number or a combination to the lock, Esposito began cutting away and Beckett started her search one by one. Esposito opens that next to the last one and says, "Yo, Beckett, this might be it," he says.

She walks over and opens the black bowling bag, "Yep, that's heroine alright. So Cameron was telling the truth. Something tells me that someone is going to try and kill him once he is out of lock up. He needs to sell this and give them money or he doesn't get paid. Call Ryan and tell him to let his informant on the inside know that we might be able to solve this murder and help with a drug bust today." Esposito grabs his phone to call Ryan.

"What did Ryan say?" she asked once he got off the phone.

"Cameron's story checks out with his mother and the nurse. She is sick and he was there with her getting instructions from the nurse to care for her. Todd is on his way in. Uniforms found him all beat up in his apartment. He answered the door with a Louisville slugger baseball bat with his left arm in a sling and a shiner to his left eye. And guess what?" Esposito shared with her.

"What?" as she was walking out to the car with Esposito in the bowling alley parking lot.

"Todd has an S mark to his left side of his neck," he said.

"Shut the front door! Well let's talk to Todd and find out who killed Sydney and assaulted him," she said as she got into the driver's seat. She loved it when they finally had a lead on a suspect.

(…)

It was a great day in the 12th precinct. They got the information they needed from Todd to bust one of the guys working for his bookie for the murder of Sydney Watson and assault to Todd. Also, with the help of her team, the informant, Cameron and 23rd precinct in Washington Heights, they made a huge drug bust. Cameron was getting his mother the help she needed by getting her care from an in-home nurse to take care of his mother daily rather than once a week. He still wasn't sure how to pay the bills for her and if Castle was here she knows he would have found a round about way to help him out.

She just mentioned Castle for the first time today. She had been so busy wrapping up the case that she didn't have time to focus how she was going to get her out of the mess she caused with that conversation she had with him. She said goodnight to her team of detectives and made her way home.


	9. Confession

**Disclaimer: I just found out that I don't own my flipping car now too. This is too much to handle. I'm better off to list what I do own. No Castle, no house, no car, but I've got a dog. You want to buy her? Nope, you can't have her. Like you can't put a price on Stana, well you can't put a price on Lucy either.**

**A/N: Her big secret is revealed in this chapter. It is so cute really. I'm not partial. I just love little romantic stuff, so I think I played it pretty well here. I've been reading so many fan fictions out there and I wanted to be a little different honestly. I loved reading all of theirs too. Check out my favorite authors and read away. Thanks for reading, do what you do, smiling, laughing and just being you! You are fabulous and I hope someone other than me finds you and thinks the same of you! Beautiful creatures you!**

Kate is sitting in her uninviting, cold apartment. She is so used to being busy with a case that so little time is ever really spent in her apartment. She never has time to feel all alone, but at the moment that is all she felt. Her mind drifted to what she was going to do about Castle. She played different scenarios in her head. Her one thing that she was so worried about was that Castle wouldn't speak to her again. 'So what do I have to lose?' she whispered to herself. 'I hate to state the obvious here, Kate. He's already not talking to you.' She leaned up from the back of the couch and reached for her phone on the coffee table. She found his name in her phone and pressed send. The phone was ringing.

Castle answered, "Hey."

"Hey," she pauses almost in shock that he answered, "I was wondering if you aren't busy and need a break from writing, well could you come over?"

The line was very quiet like he is pondering the question. She senses that there is still some resentment or bitterness between them. Then he begins, "Do you need my help with something?" he asks.

Kate remembers when he called and said 'Tell me that you need me', and how it caught her off guard. She answered, "Yes, actually I do need you. Not 911 need you, but I do need your help with something." She smiled after hearing how it sounded coming from her.

"Ok, well I can't come over right now," he replied.

Kate's smile turned to a frown and she brought her right thumb up to her mouth to bite on her nail nervously. "Oh ok, well whenever you can, I mean just let me know," trying not to sound disappointed.

"Kate, it isn't that I don't want to or that I'm avoiding you, Alexis is sick with the flu and mother isn't back from the pharmacy yet. I really don't want to leave her alone," Castle told her.

"Yes, you should stay with her, absolutely. Oh, I'm so sorry. Tell her I hope that she gets better soon. If you need anything, let me know, " she offered her assistance.

"Thank you, Kate."

"You're Welcome, Rick. Always."

"I will call you when I'm on my way to your place. Will you be around later?" he asked.

"Yes, don't worry though. Please take of Alexis," she said.

"Ok, I'll talk to you later. Bye Kate."

"Bye."

Kate hung up the phone and sat back against the couch. She felt better now that she spoke to him, even if she couldn't see his facial expressions just hearing that he would come over was a chance. She felt she had a chance to make it right. She didn't know how to approach it yet, but she knows that it is time.

She got up and decided to clean her apartment; A task that surely hasn't been done in a long time considering she can't remember the last time. She grabbed a blue bucket from under the sink that contained yellow gloves and her chemicals.

A little over an hour later, Kate is cleaning her bathroom and the doorbell rings. She thinks to herself that better not be Castle. He said he would call first before coming over, but when did he ever call first. He always just showed up at her door step. She pulls off her cleaning gloves, runs her hands through water and fixes her strands of hair that have strayed from her ponytail. She knows it is him, so she runs to the closet and pulls off her dirty shirt for a nice teal button up shirt. She stays in her jeans because they aren't dirty. She runs by her armoire then comes back quickly to spray some perfume to hide the Mr. Clean smell hopefully. She hears the bell again and yells out, "I'm coming." She swings the door open all out of breathe.

"Yoga again?" Castle said with a smile. She was glad that he was laughing let alone that he was speaking to her. She thought he was giving her the cold shoulder.

"No," she catches her breathe and lets him come in, "I was just catching up on some cleaning."

"Oh ok. Is that what you needed my help with?" he asked.

"Haha, no Castle. Ha," she was happy to be laughing at his jokes again.

"I was thinking we could order in some Chinese and I wanted to talk, "she said. "What do you think?" Her face went serious; she wasn't choking her words yet. She actually felt comfortable for the moment. "I was cleaning and I would like to clean up a bit. Will you order and I'll be back in just a few minutes. You can watch tv or something."

"Sure," Castle said.

Kate comes back in about 15 minutes later with hair still wet, but pulled up in a bun. She put on another pair of jeans and a burgundy turtleneck. There's a knock at her door, "Perfect," as she walks past the living room to collect the food from the delivery guy. She walks back in the room with the Chinese and heads to the kitchen, "Castle, would you like some wine?"

"Sure," he replies as he heads for the table where she placed the food. She comes back in with the bottle of wine, two glasses, utensils and plates all in hand. Castle opens the bottle and pours the wine. She sets the table with the plates and removes the food from the bag. She sits down adjacent to him and they start to eat.

"So, I wanted to say I'm sorry for how I reacted the other night. It just really scared me," she blurted out. She is after all, the one that asked him to come over and said she wanted to talk.

"Hey, look I'm sorry too for how I reacted," he replied. "I wanted to explain that it isn't all about the books anymore. I forget most of the time that I am not a cop. I feel so much like a real partner and a part of the team, but I do need to be more careful. Alexis just got done giving me a lecture."

"You know I didn't look at it like that. I'm just used to you always going rogue and being a bit of a risk taker. I always felt that when you are with me, I'm always thinking for you and for me. Maybe if you are going to be more part of the team, we should teach you some survival moves. You should get some training in at the precinct," she replied.

"Haha, with Roger," he laughed at how his name sounded coming from his mouth.

"Don't laugh. I'm being serious. As a matter of fact, I think I will tell Gates and she can ride you about it," and she gave him a squinted glare.

"Whoa, wait. Ok, I'll do it. I don't need Captain Perma-Frost on my back. She already hates me."

"Oh, I don't know, Castle. You seem to be growing on her," she cracked a smile and took a sip of her wine.

They finished up eating and Kate put the food away while Castle sat on the couch. Kate walked in the living room and Castle was looking at her small modest collection of movies. "Kate, do you want to watch a movie or something?"

"Well I would love to, but," Kate was interrupted by Castle.

"Oh, right. You wanted to talk to me," he said.

"Yeah, I don't know where to start really and I've wanted to tell you for awhile now, but the timing hasn't been right I guess," she said as she was pacing back and forth and not once looking him in the eye.

"Can you sit down? You are making me nervous," he said. She sat down on the couch next to him, but she couldn't face him. She was sitting on the end of the couch nervously, where Castle was relaxed leaning into the corner of the couch, one arm dangling on the back and the other arm just lying relaxed on his left thigh.

"I've," she paused, "I've been going to therapy."

"Well, that's ok Kate. Isn't that pretty routine after being in traumatic situation?" he asked.

"Yes, it is a requirement to get requalified, but I've decided to keep going," she answered. "I'm scared. I'm scared I will let my mother down if I don't solve her case. I'm scared that I will get myself killed because of it, but most of all, I'm scared that I will let all of this stop me from being happy," she rants on with her green eyes filling with tears. Her hands are shaking and she tries to hold them tightly together so they will stop.

"Kate," he says. He is sitting beside her, but he can't look straight into her eyes so he shifts towards her. Now sitting sideways on the couch closer to her he says, "Kate, look at me," as he touches her left forearm. He's afraid to touch her hand after the last reaction when he came to drop off Royal, so he settles for her forearm to get her attention. "Please look at me."

Kate looks at him. Her eyes filled with tears and they are running down her cheeks. He reaches up to wiped a tear running down her left cheek.

"Listen, I have no idea how you feel. I don't know what it is like to lose someone close to me. Yes, I don't know who my father is, but it isn't the same. Alexis has asked me about this and I told her that in my imagination I make him up to be whoever I would like him to be," he said trying to comfort her. "Anyway, my point is that all parents love us unconditionally. Whether we are good or bad, they love us just the same. Parents sign up for that when they become parents. Trust me, I know," he paused. "I know you feel if you don't solve your mother's case that you are letting her down, but to your mother she will always be proud of you."

Kate nods her head and then looks down to her folded hands. Castle touches her chin to bring her eyes back up to meet his, "There is no possible way that YOU have ever let your mother down. Not you," he says. She reaches to grab a tissue from the box on the coffee table.

"You had me pegged from the very beginning and there is nothing that you don't know about me. After closing this case today, I've realized that you aren't just my partner, you are my best friend. You knew that I became a cop because of my mother's murder. But I don't want that to define who I am. It has made me become who I am today, but I do want to be happy, Castle. I just don't know how to let it go. I don't know how to let my mother's murder go, " she started to cry again. It was breaking his heart to see her like this. He grabbed her in close and hugged her. He let her cry it out and just sat rocking her in his arms.

As he is holding her and she has finally calmed down, he hears her mumble something into his chest.

"Mmm, what did you say?" he asked thinking he heard her say something.

She finally picked her head up out his chest. Her eyes were all red and cheeks all pink, she wiped at his shirt because it was wet from her tears and then she spoke, "I heard you."

"Heard me when?" his eyebrows raised up to a questioned look as to what she was talking about.

"At Montgomery's funeral, when you tried to save me, I heard you," she struggled to get it out and she skipped the part about 'the day I got shot' because she couldn't get the words out. Just like she probably couldn't make the words that he expressed to her that day into a full sentence, so she hoped that he gets what she is talking about.

While thinking, she continued to watch his eyes as it began to register on his face. There it was, he knows exactly what she is talking about. He gets up of the couch and walks to the other side of the coffee table. She feels a pull on her heart almost being sucked into her stomach because she imagined this type of reaction, but hoped that she wouldn't see it. He paced to the end of the table and back to the other end. "So let me get this straight?" he pauses with his hand on his chin, "You've known since that day that how I feel about you?"

"Yes," she hated to reply because of what may come next, but she couldn't hold that information any longer. She needed to work on the new her and this was a step in that direction.

"You know? I was wondering if you heard me and that is why I kept asking you, but when you said you didn't remember anything I didn't want to push. At first, when I didn't talk to you for the whole summer, well selfishly, I felt it was all about me. But I know now that you had a lot of things to work through with being shot, losing Montgomery, your mother's murder, Josh and then I dropped another bomb. I'm sorry, Kate to put that pressure on you. When I saw you have the break down with the sniper case, I felt so bad and that is why I've been giving you space, but know that I'm always here for you whenever you need me," as he finished he came to sit back down on the couch next to her.

"Yes, I do know that. You are always there for me." She noticed he was thinking or she lost him somewhere and she said, "Hear me out before you start searching for a hidden message, Castle." She knows him so well.

"Ok, I'm sorry," he smirked. She could get lost is just his little smiles sometimes. She gathered her thoughts again.

"The reason I more than likely reacted the way I did when you were held up at gun point was because of my feelings for you. I've been fighting what has been right in front of me and I have no idea why. You are right. I am scared. That is why I've continued with therapy and I have chosen to take a break with my mother's murder. I used to think that I need to solve her murder, so I can move on. It is a part of me, but it isn't all of me. And I'm working to put it all behind me. The wall won't be there forever and you are doing a good job knocking the bricks down," she said to him with a smile.

"Ah, you made a joke," and he smiled back at her staring into her eyes. "I want to help in any way that I can. If we can or can't solve your mother's murder, it won't change who you are as a person. You won't be a failure in anyone's eyes and certainly not mine. You are the best detective, the way you fight for justice, stay true to the victims and search for all the facts. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, so let me carry some for you, ok?"

She was tearing up again. "How do you do that?" and she used the tissue to wipe her nose.

"What?" he asked.

"You always know just what to say to make me feel better."

"Well, I like to think it is the writer in me, but I'm kind of smitten with you, so it comes easy," he slips in his little bit at the end and finally he gets a smile from her.

She breaks into a little laugh because she can see this joy in his face while he is sitting down facing her. "So as far as us, I want you to know that I know how you feel about me and my feelings are the same. But can we take it one day at a time?"

"Kate, all I want is for you to know I'm not going anywhere. All I want is for you to let me in and let me help you. I mean, can't we fairly say, we've been in a relationship for a long time already? I did classify you as my work wife on one occasion," he said.

"Haha, you always make jokes," she laughed.

"Well it makes you laugh and Happy Kate is WAY better than Sad Kate," as he wipes her cheek again. "But I can do serious too." And his eyebrows went into serious mode and he glared at her. She just laughed and grabbed the remote for the TV.

"So," she paused, "Will you watch Temptation Lane with me?" she asked. "Please, just one show and then I'm going to sleep. This was a really long day." How can he possibly say no to the woman that he loves sitting next to him begging him to snuggle up on the couch with her? He was thinking of messing with her a little then he says, "Ok, sure."

She has the DVR ready for play and she grabs the blanket from the back of the couch. She then laid down with her head resting on his thigh and covered herself up with the blanket. She turned her head to look at him and she said, "Thank you." He just tucked the blanket around her and said, "Not a problem." And he left his hand placed on her shoulder. A few minutes passed and the open credits were running for the show, she hit pause and rolled her head back, so she could look at him.

"Hey Castle, just so you know, I've known way before that day that you loved me," she said.

"Oh, really? Detective Beckett, have you stopped detecting who the killer is and moved onto love?"

She smacked him on the arm. "You'd be surprised if I told you how long I've been in love with you." She was shocked herself that it came out of her mouth, so she turned back around quickly and pressed play again.

"Oh, no, no," he reached over her shoulder grabbing the remote to pause her show. "Ok, spill it. You made me wait for months to even be able to talk about this."

She sat up with the blanket still draped over her and she adjusted, so she could look into her eyes. She brought both of her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, while wrapping the blanket around her. "I've known that I've loved you since you told me you were going to the Hampton's for the summer," she said it quickly while looking away.

"No way! That isn't possible. You were dating Demming when I left for the Hampton's," he replied quickly.

"Well what you didn't know is that I broke up with him, just before Gina came in and you left with her for the summer," she told him.

"Really?" he was so shocked. He couldn't believe that he didn't see the signs or that he could be so dense. "Wow, how did our signals get so messed up?" He paused and then he childish thoughts came back to him. "Oh my God, so I'm lucky that you took me back."

"Took you back?" she asked.

"Oh, don't play coy with me? You let me win that bet because you missed me. Admit it."

"Ok, who told you? Esposito?" and she glared at him. She figured that while the truth serum was still working she might as well come clean. She smiled and said, "Ok, Yes, I admit it. I did miss you."

"What about poor motorcycle boy? Was he just the rebound guy?" he laughed and she smacked him again. Then she sat back against the couch and they were shoulder to shoulder.

"Gosh, you are probably right?" and she laughed while putting up her hand up to her mouth to bite at her thumb nail as she did when she was nervous or thinking.

He grabbed her hand to pull it down in his and with his left hand he placed it on her chin to her face to face his, he looked into her eyes wanting to kiss her. He watched for signals from her and he moved in closer to her. He leaned in and kissed her once softly then he pulled back. She watched his eyes as she then leaned in to kiss him back. As she pulled back he put his arm around her and he held up the remote to push play, then he glanced back at her, "Are we ready to watch this show or do you have any more surprises for me?"

"Yes, let's watch. I'm sure I have more tricks up my sleeve, but I can't let that all out in one night." she teased him. She felt at home all snuggled up under his arm. She felt safe and protected. Exactly how she felt with her mom when she used to watch the show with her mom. Maybe Castle was the void she was missing all along.


	10. First Date

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. Boo! :(**

**A/N: Banter, banter, banter...yo! I'm missing the eye rolling, smirking, witty remarks this year! I've gotta share that. I'm hoping that they just get together soon so we can go back to the fun stuff. Goodness, I love the banter and if I owned it that crap wouldn't stop EVER! I think that is why they fell in love with each other. They both met their true blue matches for sure. Keep reading, rating, reviewing...please don't make me beg. Lucy (my dog) has been teaching me and I'm doing great. I can easily persuade you.**

Kate Beckett was just waking up and the coffee was brewing. She was able to sleep in until 8:30AM because they didn't have a case they were working. It was a pretty easy week, they worked two cases and they closed them both fairly quickly. It's is Friday and she still needs to go in to wrap up some paperwork.

She is standing in the kitchen and reaching for the coffee pot when the doorbell rings. She thinks to herself who is possibly knocking at her door, so she makes her way to the door and takes a peek in the peep hole. It looks like a delivery guy is outside of her door. She unlocks the deadbolt and the removes the chain to the open the door. The man says, "Good Morning, Are you Kate Beckett? I have a delivery." He is standing with a huge bouquet of flowers that are as wide as the frame of her doorway with vibrate colors.

"Yes, I am Kate," he has handed her a clipboard to sign for them. She pretty much knows who the flowers are from, but the true surprise is probably what has been written on the card from her favorite writer boy. Oh, wait writer man.

"Can I come in to set them down because they are very heavy?" he said as she noticed he was struggling to hold them. She moved out of the way of the door and showed him in.

"You can sit them on the dining room table," they were even huge for the table, but pretty much lit up the room. She said thank you and goodbye to the delivery guy. She then made her way back to the flowers and her eyes were focused on the car that was larger than normal, but hey…these weren't your everyday flowers here. She grabbed the card and began to read what it said:

_**Dear Kate,**_

_**I've stared at this blank card for 20 minutes trying to figure out what to write and I'm a writer. The irony of that just makes me shake my head and laugh a little, but that is what you do to me. You aren't just anyone; you aren't someone that I can just write something simple and think it is the best thing I've ever written. When I said that you were extraordinary, or a mystery I would never solve, well that is why I am here and you will never get rid of me. I can't promise that I will be perfect and not mess things up. That is a little scary, but if we dive in together, I believe WE can accomplish anything. And that is what I look forward to every single day. So thank you for being my friend, my best friend in fact and my partner. **_

_**Love, **_

_**Rick**_

Kate was standing with her hand over her mouth reading the card and she wasn't crying, but her eyes weren't dry that's for sure. He was so good at remembering things that they had said before whether they were monumental or so small that anyone could have missed them. He's a writer and that is what he does, but when you add personal things that only she or he would know, well that made this the best card she's ever gotten. She looked up at the flowers and smiled holding the card to her chest. She walked off to the kitchen to fix her coffee and get ready to head to the precinct.

(…)

Kate is sitting at her desk doing paperwork. She dressed down in comfortable, but stylish jeans and navy blue button up shirt. She isn't planning staying all day because she is only on call for the weekend, but she needed to type up a few reports that she didn't the night before. It was too late and plus she had more important things on her mind, like mending things with Castle. She gets up from her chair to go file some paperwork and she turned so quickly while reading the folder almost running into Castle with two coffees in his hand. It was almost another accident with coffee, but he caught himself before any mess could happen.

"Hey," he said in his normal morning chipper self.

"Hey," she replied. That smirk on his face, his smell of something fresh and new was driving her crazy. She missed him being here in the morning. "What are you doing here, Castle? There are no dead bodies and I'm just doing paperwork. You're least favorite thing to do."

"Well, Good Morning to you too, Detective," he smiled. "I'm actually here for a few reasons. I need to ask you if you got the flowers because for one you didn't call or text, so I thought something really happened to you. Then I need advice with something on Alexis and lastly…well, we'll see about the last one when I hear about this explanation about not calling or texting," with his eyebrows raised in question and as he continued to watch her face walking backwards to his chair holding the two coffees. He left Kate just standing there where he almost ran into her a little quiet and dumfounded. She was really caught off guard with her mouth still open slightly in shock. She closed her mouth and went back to her desk and sat down. She looked up at him knowing that she probably won't get out of this one, but she reached for her coffee from his hand. He pulled it back and said, "Not until you start talking, go!" He was having so much fun with this she thought and she would love to wipe that smug look off his face, but she is busted. She is really terrible at all of this relationship stuff and well she should know by now that humility will work with Castle, so she goes for honesty.

"The flowers were amazing. More than amazing and I loved them very much. I'm going to be honest and say that I'm truly not good at this relationship stuff. I'm hoping that you will give me a break this time and with time….and your help of course I will get better. I promise," she sat back in her chair finally taking a breath. That was so honest and usually she holds so much back or rattles off some wit to make a joke of the situation, but she can't this time. She isn't in the business of always trying to hurt him or disappoint him. She is just honestly not good at relationships even with friends or family.

"I'm sorry. I was just messing with you. You are fine," he handed her the coffee.

"Castle, it isn't fine. I did want to call you, but then after the whole conversation yesterday…well I wanted to give you a break. I always call when there is a dead body and well, there are no dead bodies...," he cut her off right there. He was sure that she would have gone on and on, but this needed to stop. She needs to understand that she will really never get rid of him, no matter how hard she tried or didn't try for that matter.

"Kate, did you read that card?" he waited for an answer.

"Yes, I read and it was beautiful."

"Ok, well I clearly said in there something along the lines that you will never get rid of me. You will never do anything to make me go away. You have so much going on in that head of yours and that makes you the mystery that I will never solve, but everything leading up to it is so worth it. That is why I keep coming back here every day. You are the reason I keep coming back here every day," he said as he reached to put his hand on her shoulder. She was fighting off tears and she is sure that she swallowed about 10 times while listening to him basically recites the card over again to her face to face.

She reaches for his hand on her shoulder and places her hand over his, "I'm sorry. You are right I think too much and I should just go with my first instinct. But seriously, thank you so much for the flowers and the card. It was sweet."

She lowered her hand and he removed his from her shoulder while leaning back into his chair again. She took a sip of her coffee and said, "Oh and thank you for the coffee too," while smiling at him. He just laughed to himself because she was going to spend the whole day thinking of ways to make it up to him. Why did he make such a big deal about it?

"So what can I help you with about Alexis?" she asked.

"Ah, yes. Well you were a teenager once, so I want to know…when was the first time that you had a drink of alcohol?" he asked.

"Oh gosh. Is Alexis drinking?"

"Well, I'm not sure, but remember the sleepover the other night and she didn't call or text….sounds like someone I know…," she reached over and smacked his arm. "Ow!" and then he smiled. "Anyway, I think that they had a party that night."

"What makes you think that they had a party with drinks that night?"

"Well don't hit me again, but I follow Alexis on twitter and well we are facebook friends as well. So I saw some interesting messages. Then she came home and she really does have the flu it seems, but she looked a little hung over I thought. Mother says I'm being ridiculous, but I'm not so sure," he stops and then asks,"What do you think I should do?"

"Well as a woman that was once a teenager, my first drink was at seventeen and it was at a sleepover at my friend's house. I would approach this in a way that you display that you don't trust her. Remember that didn't go well when she interrogated you and I saw the whole thing from the behind the glass," she smiled. "She tore you apart. Look Castle, Alexis is a young woman now and she will come across these avenues of life and you can't save her from all of them. You do have to trust her that she will make the right choices and you just have to be there to help guide her. If you want, I can talk to her as well. She should know that if she can't go to you, that she can come to me as well," she was so happy to have the feeling where she could help him with insight to where Alexis is concerned. She has no desire as of yet to be a parent, but she loves just help him out because raising a girl isn't easy. He did it almost completely alone and he did a great job, but let's face it. When they become teenagers, their fathers aren't really their go-to favorites.

"Would you really talk to her?" he asked.

"Of course, I will. I will text her and see when she is available. I'll make it seem like I want to talk about you and she won't thinks it is odd," she said.

"Great! Wait, talk about me…why me?"

"Oh Castle, chill out. Do you want my help or not?" she smirked and he was lost in her eyes. Every single time she did that he was lost. He was surprised that he could speak after she did that. She sent the text to Alexis and then she pulled up her chair to begin paperwork. She took a sip of her coffee and then she looked at him, "Wait, what was the third thing?" she asked. He looked at her confused. "The third reason that you came in today? What was it?"

"Oh, I forgot," he smiled and took a sip of his coffee.

"Castle!," she said with his other favorite look where her eyebrows get really close and he's about to get scolded.

"Ok, I was going to finally help you with paperwork because I have an ulterior motive to help you finish early."

"Oh really? And why do I need to finish early?"

"Well, Katherine Beckett, I would like to take you out on a proper date. Would you do me the honor of accompanying me…," she cut him off.

"Can't you just ask me, like normal, to go out with you?"

"Kate, we've been over this before. I'm a writer and a gentleman. We aren't like your typical guys," he said with a smile. Wasn't that the truth? Richard Castle isn't like any other man that Kate has ever known. He is the most amazing man and she knows that this is something real and special. She is going to do everything in her power to not mess it up.

"Well let's get typing Writer Man because I want to get out of here early. I've got a hot date!" she smiled. He got up and logged into the computer adjacent to her.

"Do I know him?" he loved this banter that they had back and forth. He could do this with her forever and never get sick of it.

"You might. He's ruggedly handsome," she smiled while handing him a folder. He's helped her a few times to fill out the paperwork, so it is pretty much just writing the notes from the file onto the computer. Sometimes he gets so bored with their statements that he adds some fluff and bigger words, while hoping that she won't make him delete it. "Hey, don't change the statements this time. Gates is reading these closely and she has been asking Esposito about his new found writing skills, so don't change them."

"Ok," he laughed. "That works better for me, so we will be out of here in no time."

She looked at him with a questionable look, "Well, if I don't need to think of fluff to add to the report then I'll be done quickly. And I don't want to be the reason you can't make this hot date," he smirked while looking seriously at the screen while typing away. Kate reached for an M&M from the jar on her desk and she threw it at him.

(…)

Kate and Rick are at the filing cabinet in the back hallway filing the last of the paperwork. Kate gets a text message on her phone. She reads it and it is from Alexis. It says, _**"Hey Detective Beckett, yeah sure we can get together. Let's meet tomorrow at like 11AM. The coffee shop near the loft, ok?"**_

"Hey Castle, Alexis just texted me back. We are going to meet tomorrow, 11AM, the shop near your place, "she told him while holding her phone to reply back to Alexis.

"Great! She didn't ask you any questions?" he asked.

"No, but remember I told her that I wanted to talk to her about you," she smiled," So that was my in. I told you I know a few things about teenage girls. So are you ready to get out of here?"

"I'm ready if you are, but we need to change," he said.

"Change? Where are you taking me? I'm not in the mood to get all dolled up, Castle," she would have kept on, but his smile was saying that he was enjoying her questioning too much. "Wait!"

"We aren't dressing up. We're dressing down. Everything will be sent to your apartment, so we need to get going," he said as he grabbed her jacket off her chair and put it on for her. He pulled her hair out from under the collar.

"Ok, I really hate surprises, but I'm going to let you have this one this time," she smiled as he lead her to the elevator. They both got in the elevator and she put her arm through his as then made their decent to the first floor.

"Actually, I'm going to tell you because there are going to be plenty of other times that I will get the chance to surprise you. Tonight is just going to be fun. We need a little light and simple fun. We, Detective Beckett, are going to the NY Rangers game tonight. I hope you like hockey, wings and lots of beer."

"Oh yes!" she smiled and made a fist in excitement. "That's so funny because my Dad called today and we were talking about when he used to take me to games when I was younger. I haven't been to a game in years," she laughed. "Gosh, you are amazing. Thank you!"

"Wow! I'm seeing a whole different side of Kate Beckett," he smiled. He was the happiest darn fool in the whole city of New York. He has the most beautiful woman in the New York City going with him to a sporting event to most likely drink more beer than him. You can't get more real than that. Possibly this is what he was missing with his two failed marriages and the rest of the relationships leading up to this one.


	11. Realize

**Disclaimer: Yo! I don't own much. I own my imagination, but it is running away from me. I don't own Castle or anything associated with it. Oh, I don't own Lady Antebellum songs, lyrics or melodies.**

**A/N: Thanks for reading, but you aren't commenting. Can't you just write hey, what's up, stop flipping writing because you suck! I can't handle it. I'm a big girl. This chapter will have a flashback that I think is an important to a chapter I have coming soon. I've already been working on it actually. It just doesn't fit right now. So you'll have to keep reading. The rest of the chapter is going to be part of the date, just a kiss good night and a conversation between Alexis and Beckett (Spoiler alert 4x15). And that's all for my fic's spoilers. Read if you want more! Flashback to the morning of the date with Kate will be in italics.**

_He is making breakfast in the loft like he always does. He loves this time to bond with Alexis and his mother if she is around. He's finishing up the scrambled eggs, but before he starts toasting slices of bread he wonders why Alexis hasn't came down yet. His mother sometimes sleeps in, but this is he and Alexis, father and daughter time; surely she must be awake he thought. He heads upstairs briskly to check on her. He reaches her door and it's ajar, open just enough so he can see she is awake looking out the window listening to music. She looks sad or that she is deep in thought. The break up with Ashley comes to his mind and then he begins to listen to the lyrics of the song she is playing on her I-home._

_He hears:_

"_**Caught up in the moment"**_

"_**Caught up in your smile"**_

_While Alexis is deep in thought, so does his mind drift to all the smiles that Kate has been finally showing him. There was a time before that she would fight with everything within her power to never show him her smile, that he jokes was funny or that she found him cute. He doesn't know what he has done to create this sudden change in Kate, but he sure likes the new Kate._

_Then it come to this part of the song:_

"_**We don't need to rush this"**_

"_**Let's just take it slow"**_

_His mind drifts again to the wall that he and Kate had a conversation about on the swings that day. He has definitely removed some bricks from it. There is either an opening because he can see some light or maybe it is the lightness in her eyes lately. Then maybe the wall is climbable, he can leap over it with ease and never look back. He is hopeful either way._

_Then the chorus takes over:_

"_**Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight"**_

"_**Just a touch of the fire burning so bright"**_

"_**No I don't want to mess this thing up"**_

"_**I don't want to push too far"**_

"_**Just a shot in the dark that you just might"**_

"_**Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life"**_

"_**So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight"**_

_It is so clear that it hits him. All of the songs do make sense when you know you are in love. So he doesn't want to mess things up with Kate and he's going to let her take the lead, but right now he knows that she knows how he feels and the same for her. He knows he likes to push her or at least he was the king pusher right up until her being…well being shot. Probably after seeing her have such a hard time dealing with the PTSD and her snapping at him, doesn't help him want to push her too far. So for right now this song fits for where they are at the moment. And it's true he says to himself 'I'm ok with just a kiss goodnight.'_

**Back to present time**

Richard Castle was thinking he is the luckiest guy in the world. Not because he's a best selling author, has the most amazing daughter, has the most supportive mother and all the money he could ever need. To most men, that would be everything and then some, but right now the thing that completes him totally is that Kate Beckett is with him at the New York Rangers game just having fun and drinking beer. I mean, if it weren't for his physical attraction to her, she could pass as one of his best guy friends. He looked over at her yelling through the glass at the referee that just made a call against a New York hockey player for hooking. He just laughed to himself because she was actually having fun and that might have been another thing that made her hit the "hotness" radar for him. He was adding this moment to his list of Kate's hotness moments when she smacked him asking, "Castle, did you see that horrible call?" He was caught off guard because he was deep in thought at the moment. He leaned into the jolt from the smack to make sure not to spill any of his beer.

He laughed as he regained his balance and looked at her smiling from ear to ear, "Yes, I saw it. Terrible. Boo!" as he joined the thousands of other New York fans.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to hit you so hard," she smiled up at him.

"No, it's alright. I'm glad you are having a great time. Another piece of the mystery to be titled Kate Beckett," he finished with a smirk. He loved that she was really beginning to open up to her. Talking about experiences with her mother and father, college or younger days, she was really becoming more comfortable with him.

She just gave him a quick happy smile like a child and went back to yelling and screaming at the game. And he went back to watching the game, well and also observing her. He has spent almost a full four years observing her driving to a crime scene, walking up to the crime scene, interrogating the witnesses, chasing down bad guy and girls, but this observing was like watching what it would be like to observe her on a personal level. A level that he could do for the rest of his life, just like it was his job.

(…)

Rick called his town car to meet them on 7th Avenue side of Madison Square Garden to pick them up. The driver was waiting for them by the time they reach to doorway on the 7th. He opens the door for Kate and she slips inside the car, then gets in and sits next to her. He tells the driver her address, so he can drop her off at her place. She is sitting close to him, feeling the warmth of his body as she tries to get closer because it's cold outside. Well, that's the reason she tells herself in her head because she slips her hand under his arm to weave her fingers through his. He notices her movement and grips her hand then turns down to face and smile. They gaze at each other for a moment and she grins back and lays her head on his shoulder. Without lifting her head again she begins to speak, "Castle, thanks for taking me to the game. It was a lot of fun and it brought back some great memories of me with my father," she told him.

"You're very welcome. It was a lot of fun and I conjure up images of you yelling at referees. It's kind of hot," he replied.

She blurts out a laugh, "Is there anything that you don't find hot?"

"Well it's kind of cold outside, but if we are talking about you…well no," he smiled, but she was still leaning into his shoulder.

She just shook her head and leaned in his shoulder. He raised his arm and wrapped it around her. He was amazed at how comfortable all of the conversations went or the touching part most importantly seemed so natural. He was finally comfortable enough to know that Kate would actually let him hold her hand, let him put his arm around her and now on his mind was would she let him kiss her good night. He was feeling fairly confident that everything was going into play. Even they haven't told anyone that they are dating and they themselves haven't really put a lock on the label of themselves yet, but he was feeling that this night was relaxed, fun and took the pressures of a real date off her shoulders. So he was going to go in for the kiss and worry about the wounds that could possibly happen when pushing Kate Beckett too far.

Finally, they made it to her apartment and he asked the driver to wait for him. He would be right down. He leaped out of the car and turned to grab Kate's hand to show her out of the car. He didn't let go of her hand and she didn't want him to anyway. She was enjoying this whole date and her head wasn't actually filled with wonder if this person she is on a date with actually likes her. She wasn't worried at all if he was going to call her the next day. She wasn't worried if she was supposed to call. She also wasn't worried if it was appropriate to kiss on this first date because she's already kissed him. She wasn't worried about the other things because of course Castle will call her, if she doesn't answer he will come to her door, knock, she will let him in, actually he'll just come in because he never waits for an invitation.

They reach her door and she reaches to open the door with her keys. Castle quickly reaches around her and turns the lock with the key to open the door. She turns to look at him and says, "Thank you."

"I'd invite you in, but…" and he stops her by placing his finger up to her lips. He's standing partly out in the hallway, but partly in where she is standing. He leans in slowly while watching her eyes jet from his eyes to his lip and back to his eyes. He gets the last glimpse of her eyes closing and holds for a moment to build the suspense for her, then he kisses her gently bringing his right hand up to cup her face. After a few seconds, he breaks from her and she is still standing for a moment with her eyes closed.

"Kate, I had a really nice time tonight and I'm really trying not to sound like a cliché, but I genuinely had a relaxed and fun night tonight, so thank you," he finished.

She wasn't even relishing at the fact that is sounded cliché like out of a 1940's movie where a man drops off a woman at her door and bids her a good night stating the phrase he mentioned about and doesn't need to be repeated. She was in fact thinking about the electricity that was going through her veins because it sure as hell wasn't blood right now. The touch of his hand and the light and gentle kiss sent shockwaves through her. She was having a tough time to focus at all let alone what he just said to her. This whole evening has definitely cleared up something for her. The feelings were always there, but now she wants him. She really, really wants him to be hers.

"Kate? Are you okay?" he asked while watching her thinking in her doorway.

"Oh…yeah…yes I'm great. Castle, I had a great time tonight too. So, umm tomorrow? I'm meeting with Alexis, so can I see you later or what are you doing later?" goodness, she is a mumbling idiot she thought to herself. And why the hell am I asking him out. We just had a date and what am I desperate.

He laughed because he noticed that she is fighting with herself on her choice of words or words in general, "Well just give me a call afterwards and we maybe we can meet after you talk with her."

So logical and easy those words were and she couldn't just blurt hers out, but she smiled. "Well I bid you a good night, Detective," and he tipped his fake hat to her, then he leaned his to place a kiss on her cheek. There went the electricity again and if she blinked anymore times she could have sworn the lights in the hallway flickered.

Pulling herself together she said, "Good night, Castle." She watched him walk off down the hallway.

(…)

Kate makes it to the coffee shop before Alexis, so she goes to get a coffee and she finds a table near the window by the street so she can easily be seen. She just sits down with her beverage and in walks Alexis and their eyes meet. Alexis makes her way to the table and takes off her coat.

"Hi, Detective Beckett, have you been waiting long?"

"Hey Alexis, you can call me Kate. No, no I just got here. Would you like me to get you something?"

"No, no, no – I'll get it. Be right back."

Alexis got a beverage and sat down across from Kate.

"So Det…um, Kate, I wanted to thank you for sending me the text message you sent about Dad being worried about me. He worries so much," she thinks to herself that he should worry. Her path and judgment have been a little off lately, but she wants to do something about it. She already told her Dad that she needs to do something to keep busy until she goes to school.

"Oh, well you should see your father when he is worried about you. He tenses up, doesn't hear a word I am saying, can't focus until he knows that you are ok, so I sent a message just to make sure you were ok. I want you to know that I'm always here for you if you need anything, Alexis. I hope you know that."

"Yes, I do know that. You know I should be jealous of you, but I can't hate you. I don't think I could ever hate you because you are so great for my father. You've really changed his life for the better and for that I admire you, Kate. Don't get me wrong, I do hate that he follows you into this situations that scare me half to death and I worry about you and him. Then I think of you both being together and I'm still scared, but I feel better knowing you are together. Last year, I was so scared when you got shot and my Dad really went into a tail spin. He would spend all of his time in his office saying he was working on research and I would ask him if he wanted to do things or ask if he was ok. Most of the time I got 'I'm fine' from him or 'Can we do it another time, I'm working on something?' So it was tough seeing him like that and well now he's on cloud freaking nine."

"Yeah, I'm really sorry Alexis. It was a tough time for me and I just needed to get away. Looking back on it now, I'm not sure why I shut your father out or anyone out for that matter. It is something that I'm working on believe me. Actually, building a relationship with you is part of that, so I'm glad we are having this talk. Speaking of cloud nine, I'm on the same page as he is right now. We are taking things slowly, but Alexis please know that I care about him very much. Even though I was gone the whole summer, he was all I thought about. I didn't mean to hurt him and I'm sorry it hurt you in the process."

"Well I'm glad that you are moving forward and all I can ask is that you don't shut him out. He's very helpful and useful, really his main purpose in life is to help others and that is why I think he has taken to following you around. In his mind, he's helping you and that brings him more joy than anything else."

"Well I can promise you this, I am going to everything I can to not mess this up and I agree with you that I can't keep shutting him out. But hearing it from you, the person who knows him best, well if I stick to opening up more then I should be golden, right?" she winks at Alexis across the table as she takes a sip of her coffee.

"So what's been going on? Are you ready for school?" Kate asked to move the subject onto her.

"Well honestly, I'm so bored right now. I told Dad that I wanted to get a job or start an internship while I wait for school to start. He said to me, why don't you take a trip? He's always thinking about something fun to do with my time and I'm always thinking about useful ways to use my time," she says just shaking her head.

"Haha, I still wonder who is the parent sometimes, you or him?"

She smiled "Well don't tell him, but I need to do something productive right now because my friends are partying up a storm. I can't tell him because he would freak out, well who am I kidding he probably wouldn't. Anyway, I just can't be bothered with all of that. I want to do really well at school and I need to focus. Lately, I've been moping around thinking about the break up with Ashley and I really need to get my mind off of things."

"Well what are you looking to do? I don't think your father mentioned your major or interest to me?"

"Well I'm interested in going to medical school. I became fascinated when we had project at school to determine blood splatter using tomatoes. But who knows at my age, I'll probably change my major a million times. I mean, how about you? Did you always want to be a detective?"

"You've got a point. No, it wasn't my first choice actually," she laughed then she thought almost instantly, "you know Alexis, let me talk to Lanie and see if her medical examiner office does internships."

"Really? You would do that?" Alexis got up from her seat and ran around the chair at the end of the table to hug Kate.

"Well let me ask her first, ok?"

"Sure. Yes, sure," Alexis went back to take her seat again. "Kate," she said her name and paused, "Could we just keep this between me and you? Don't tell my father yet because knowing him, he won't let me do it."

"Ok, well you can be the one to tell him, deal?"

"Deal," Alexis nodded.


	12. Kate's Surprise

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle **

**A/N: Previously there was the end of the date between Kate and Rick with just a kiss - perfect way to end the evening. I think this couple is the sweetest couple ever and yes I do believe they will explode at the thought of just being together. I will be honest, if you are looking for porn smut well you might want to move on. My rated M will be more like Nikki and Rook in the Nikki Heat Series. Sorry! I like it too, but it isn't realistic to my story. Lastly, Kate had a conversation with Alexis about a possible internship working with Lanie.  
><strong>  
>Kate decided to walk a little from the cafe she met Alexis at because the sun feels so good. It is cold outside, but there is no wind chill so it has turned out to be a pretty great day. She reaches for her cell phone in her pocket. She had her phone on silent while talking with Alexis, so she missed some text messages. She looks down at her screen to see three messages, she opens them and it appears they are all from Castle. She reads them:<p>

**So how's it going with Alexis? Oh sorry, you probably can't answer. Call me later.**_**  
><strong>_  
>Then another about 30 minutes later:<p>

**Hey, do you still want to meet up later? Just text or call me.  
><strong>  
>Then another about 20 minutes after the previous one:<p>

**Kate, are you done yet? Sorry, I'm just really, really, really bored.**

Kate just laughs as she presses send to call him back.

"Oh, finally. How did it go? What did you two girls talk about?" he asked with a chipper tone.

"No, Castle. I will not tell you what we talked about. It is between Alexis and I and she wants you to know she will tell you," then there is a pause. His chipper tone has been stifled. "But don't worry Castle she is just fine. Growing up into a fine young lady, you should be so proud."

"Well she can stop growing up so quickly because before I know it some lanky little college geek with be coming to the loft to ask for her hand in marriage and I'm not ready for that yet," he ranted on like he usually does about the speed at which Alexis is becoming a woman before his eyes.

"Well we have time to prepare you because a relationship is far from her mind at this point I can fairly say," she replied to ease his pain.

"Well that's a good thing, I think? So do you still want to meet up later this evening or now," she laughs to herself because he just as eager to spend with her as she is with him.

"Yes, I definitely want to see you, but do you mind later because I want to take care of something first. How about 6:30 you come to my apartment?"

"Ok, sounds great. Do I need to bring anything?" he asks.

"No, just you. Only you."

(…)

Kate is at her apartment waiting for Lanie to come over. She called her in the cab on the way home to see if she could help her with a little plan she's drummed up and also to talk with her about Alexis' idea of an internship.

There is a knock at the door, so Kate gets up from the dining room chair to answer the door.

"Hey Lanie, Thanks for coming over."

"Not a problem, girl. So what's this plan of yours?"

"Well you can't freaking make fun of me...I want to decorate my roof garden for a dinner date with Castle for tonight. And I know you are good with decorating, color schemes and all that. Problem is I don't have much to work with here. I'm never home. Will you go shopping with me?"

"Oh yay! I love me some shopping, girl! And Kate I was only messing with you before because you weren't seeing what we all was seeing. I thought I was going to have to smack you," Lanie explained.

"Actually you don't have to smack me because I saw it, but I think for some reason I didn't want to see it if that makes sense? But hey, let's get going because I don't have a lot of time and I want to talk to you about maybe getting an internship at your office. She is going into medical school, but hasn't picked a major yet. What do you think?"

Kate grabs her coat and they both head for the door as she is speaking to Lanie about the internship. Kate heads out first and Lanie to follow, "You know? Let me check for you tomorrow when I get back to the office?"

"Great! Don't saying anything to anyone because she wants to tell her father after she know if she can do it. Trust me he has been driving me crazy since he knew that her and I had a talk today," as they reach Kate's elevator and she goes in followed by Lanie to head to the lobby.

"Haha, I bet. He is such a child," Lanie says smiling at Kate. Doors close.

-

"Oh my gosh, Lanie! This looks amazing. There is a table in the center of the small garden with a purple table cloth, on top of the cloth is one white candle, a basket with decorative wicker balls in various colors, placemats and napkins lime green in color and two wooden chairs perfect to double as patio wear when not dining. They compliment the wooden flooring that her Dad helped her put in and seal in the fall. Also on the chairs are black cushions that can be untied and stored away. Also Lanie strung some white lights all around the top of the garden area and the lights shine just enough to show the plants off, but not too bright to ruin the romantic mood she was going for.

"Yeah, girl. It came out great, right? We went through hoops for Castle, so he'd better like it."

"Well it is the least I can do because he is always coming up with sweet things to do for me and I want to pay back the favor," as she takes another glance with her new Beckett smile. She thinks it looks perfect with all the plants in pots situated just so. "This is so great. Lanie, thank you so much." Kate hugs her.

"So what are you going to do for dinner? Are you cooking?" Lanie looked to her with a raised eyebrow.

"What? I'll have you know I can cook. I just won't have time now, so Madison is sending some stuff from her restaurant over in about an hour. Plus I didn't want to kill him after everything else is so perfect," she laughs because she knows she can cook, but making something ordinary wouldn't fit for tonight.

"Well I'm going to take off and let you get ready. Or do you need help in the clothing department too?"

"No, I think I can figure something out. Does plaid go with stripes? I can't remember fashion Yoda what you taught me?" with a coy smirk and a wink.

"Oh funny Detective smarty pants," as Lanie left the roof with Kate into her apartment.

-

Kate has showered and she is going through her closest hanger by hanger and she finally finds the casual dress she was looking for. It is a light fabric royal blue in color, length just above the knee with a v-neck opening and there are sleeves, but they are still short. It is the beginning of spring, so she would most likely need a sweater shall to go over it. She finds a black sweater shall hanging in the closet for later when they have dinner on the roof.

Madison's delivery guy delivered the food just in time because she just began unpacking the food and there was a knock at her door.

"Hey," then he looks at her up and down, trying to close his mouth, gasp for air or conjure up words of what he was feeling when she answered the door. "I, umm...Hey."

"You said that already," she laughs while moving back holding the door wide open and waving for him to come in. "Hi, would you like to come in? Or are you going to stay out there in the hallway."

In his boyish smirk and quick jet, he bounces towards the door, "No, no, I am coming in," as he walks past her he says, "Did I miss something? Are we going out because you told me to just bring myself?"

"And you still didn't follow instructions because you brought wine," she replied with a smirk.

"Yes, well it is common courtesy..." and she cut him off, walked up to him slowly putting her hands on the wine bottle and leans into kiss him. She takes the bottle and walks past him leaving him speechless again. How is it possible she can do that in less five minutes he thinks to himself?

"We aren't going out. We are having dinner here and I've got something to show you that you've never seen before," of course his mind dips to the gutter as she notices and says, "Not that, but if you are good you might get to see that too," then she winks. "Sorry I didn't have time to cook because everything happened pretty quickly, but Madison hooked us up with some food from her new restaurant. Would you carry the bags and I bring the rest?"

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"You see those stairs that lead up over there? We are going up there. Just let me grab the bottle opener, wait for me?" she runs back to the kitchen and ran back to meet him at the bottom of the stairs, "Okay, are you ready?"

"Yes, lead the way," he replies.

She leads up the stairs to the roof top garden to her apartment. She opens the door and he is amazed. There is soft light guitar music playing and lights make the whole area shine. There is a table with place settings for two and flowers are placed just right to show them off.

"Wow, Kate this is amazing. I didn't know you had this?"

"Yeah. Well I haven't brought anyone up here because my father and I hadn't finished the flooring and the planters yet. He helped me when he came back with me this fall," she said.

"This is so cool," while he followed her to the table to set the food down.

"Let's eat," she said.

**A/N: Keep reading peeps! I'm not done with this date that Beckett planned. She really is the quite the planner and she can be really sweet. Don't y'all think? For someone that hasn't gotten dating down very well, a part of me believe that the sweetness of the lovely and talent Stana Katic will come through in her character moving forward. I love all of the readers and followers, but please review. Give suggestions because it helps me want to keep writing. Thank you!  
><strong>


	13. Full Moon

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or Joshua Radin. Boy, if I did life would be golden.**

**A/N: We left off from Chapter 12 where Kate and Rick were just beginning to eat. I split up the chapters because I'm going to add a little rated "M" in this chapter. The perfect ending to a wonderful evening in my opinion.**

"How was the food?" she asks.

"Oh, it is really great. This is all really great," he brought the napkin up to his mouth.

"Kate, would you do me the honor of dancing with me?" he held out his hand across the table to her. She took the invitation.

They begin dancing he was listening to the sound of the guitar playing the intro, "Who is this we are listening to tonight?"

"Oh, it is Joshua Radin. Isn't he great? I love his songs, his lyrics and his voice."

"Haha, do you have a small crush there?" he looks down at her face smiling. She just smiles back as they sway slowly on the roof top. His left hand is on the small of her back and her left hand is curled under his right hand on top of his chest as she leans her head against his shoulder.

Then Joshua Radin begins singing these lyrics:

_**You look like the sun  
>I was the only one<br>who could stare until you were done  
>shining on me<br>**_  
>"Kate, I forgot to tell you how amazing you look tonight. Really beautiful," she lifts her head off his shoulder and looks into his eyes. His eyes the same color as his dress and with the reflection off her dress they pop even more.<p>

"Thank you, Rick," she replied. "I just wanted to do something special for you because you are always doing sweet things for me."

"Well this is really special, so thank you," he replied.

Then these lyrics played:

_**The rest of my life can't compare to this night  
>And only the heartaches have given me sight<br>They bring me to you  
>They bring me to you<strong>_

He thinks about all the heartaches that they brought one another, but still here they are, they've shared how they feel about each other and all of it has brought him to her and her to him. Once again all the songs are making sense.

Then these lyrics play and they are the best of the song:

_**It's all about the first night and last  
>Some people say<br>Well I love you so much more tonight  
>More than yesterday<strong>_

He squeezes her hand as these lyrics just finish and they finish sway closely to the rest of the song. The song finishes, but they don't part yet. He is holding her close to him with his hands on her hips and she has her arms wrapped around his back while facing to look at him.

"So this isn't my only surprise tonight?" she smiles at him knowing the boy inside will love the next surprise.

She weaves her hands through his and watches his eyes jetting from her eyes to her mouth and back to her eyes. "What's the surprise?" while he pulls her closer to him with their hands still woven together. She can feel his breath as he asked her the question on her cheek.

"Well help me take this stuff downstairs because the next surprise is downstairs. Plus it is getting a little chilly out now," she moved over to the table to blow out the candle, she grabbed the cushions for him to carry inside and put all the dishes in a basket to carry them more easily. She led the way downstairs and flips the light switch to shut off the outside garden lights.

"That is really nice up there, Kate. I had no idea you liked gardening," he mentioned as following her down the stairs.

"Well I'm sure I'll keep finding ways to surprise you, Castle. You have peeled all of the layers to me yet," she turned to remove the cushions from his arms and she put them in her closet by her entrance door.

"Ok, you go sit on the couch and take the wine glasses with you...oh and the bottle," as she hands them to him. "I'm just going to put the dishes in the dishwasher and I'll join you."

She does exactly what she said to him and after she popped a big bowl of popcorn and made two root beer floats. She scooped it all up and headed to her living room. Castle was sitting so patiently for once and when she looked more closely his head was leaned back with his eyes closed. She stopped and spoke,"Oh no, you can't be sleeping because you will miss out on your surprise!"

"Oh, I wasn't sleeping. I was just resting my eyes," he replied quickly.

"Are you sure? If you are tired, we can do this another time you know," she said as she sunk in the sofa next to him. She had already sat the floats and popcorn on the coffee table.

"No, no I was just so relaxed after r dinner, the wine and the music. You should enjoy this because I am so hyper all of the time," he said smiling at her while putting his arm around her to bring her closer to him. "So what's my other surprise?"

"Well I planned a Jason Bourne marathon for us along with root beer floats and popcorn."

"Yes!" he pumped his fist and hugged her. "And the bonus is snuggle time with my girl! This is the best date everrrr!"

She busted out laughing at his comment that sounded like something a teenager would say. She had to admit this was one of the things about him that she fell in love with. She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek.  
>Then she got up to put the movie in. She came back and Castle had moved to the end of her sofa where his legs could be up. He removed his shoes and was getting comfortable. She laid down on the other part of the sofa facing the TV and she laid her head on his chest then placed a blanket over her legs. She passed him his root beer float, "Thank you," he said. Then she grabbed the popcorn and press play on her remote.<p>

"Here we go," she leaned back against him and he had a huge smile. He was totally content and he couldn't believe how finally dating Kate was a dream that he thought would never come true. He thought about all of these times when she could have been spending date nights with Tom or Josh on the couch like this. Now it is him. She loves him and she's with him.

They fall asleep during the movie, but Kate wakes up to a snowy screen on the TV. Castle arms are wrapped around her and he is still asleep when she tries to move to shut the TV off with the remote. As she moves to reach for it off the coffee table, Castle wakes up. "Hey, I guess we fell asleep," as he rubbed his eyes and stretched his arms up while yawning.

Kate turned on the couch to look at him. "Yeah, I fell asleep too."

"I'm sorry I ruined your surprise. I was just so comfortable. What time it is? I should be going home," he said patting his pocket to his pants for his cell phone to check the time on the phone.

"Castle, it is like 3AM," as she looks at her father's watch on her wrist. "You can stay here. I want you to stay here." She was adorable with her hair all messed up from sleep and the way she rubbed her eyes before getting up off the couch to put the popcorn and dishes in the kitchen. She walked back in the living room to find Castle making a place for himself on the couch for the night. She walked up behind him wrapping her arms around him and gave him a big hug from behind. "What are you doing?"

"I'm making a bed for myself out here because you don't want me to leave and I don't want to leave anyway," as he turned around in her arms to face her. He brought her in to hug her.

"You don't have to stay out here," she grabbed his ring and pinky fingers from his left hand in her left hand to lead him into her room. She walked him over to her bathroom off her bedroom. "This is the bathroom and I even have a toothbrush for you," she smiled at him.

"Why, Detective Beckett, were you planning on me staying the night or was this for another boyfriend you had?" he sad jokingly.

"Funny," she rolled her eyes at him. She left and let him do what he needed to do. "I'm going to change, smartass."

He came out with his sweater in his hand wearing a white t-shirt that he had underneath and he was still wearing his jeans. "The bathroom is all yours."

She went in to brush her teeth and she reached for her brush that was pink. She noticed that he used the blue toothbrush and placed it right next to hers so they were touching in the white porcelain glass holder on her sink counter. She smiled and took the brush to use and then placed it back as she found it. She came out of the bathroom and Castle was standing in the center of the room facing her as she came out. "What's wrong?" she said to him. He was standing perfectly still and still holding his sweater in his hands.

"Ah, nothing," she walked up to him and took the sweater from his hands. She walked to the chair in her room and placed it on the back of the chair.

"Castle, you are kind of creeping me out. What is wrong?"

"Well I've never been in your room before and frankly I don't know what to do or how to act," he replied. She walked over to him.

"This isn't your first time in a woman's room, Castle. Give me a break. Come on, let's go to bed," she said quickly while walking to her normal side of the bed.

"But it's the first time with you," he turned to meet her eyes. He could see her face, but couldn't see her eyes well because the room was dimly lit. The light on her nightstand next to her bed was the only light in the room besides the light from the moon behind him. She came back to meet him at the end of the bed.

He began talking again, "Kate, you aren't just another person to me. You are the only person to me. So I'm nervous because I don't want to mess anything up," as her reach for her hand down at her side.

"You aren't going to mess anything up. Remember when I told you that I wanted to meet someone that I could be there for them and they could be there for me, and then we could dive into it together?" she asked.

He nodded his head in affirmative.

She waved her hand between her and him saying, "This is us, diving in together. I can guarantee that there will be tough times and maybe we will fight, actually I'm sure we will fight. But I believe we can overcome anything, so if you don't lose those jeans," she leans in close and he can feel the heat from her as she does, "and get into my bed," she kisses him deeply with passion then leans back, "right now" then she takes off his shirt placing her warm hands across his broad chest, "we will have our first fight as a couple."

"Ahhh, yes ma'am," he gasped. Her touch was warm and that tease in her was coming out. He was like putty in her hands.

"And don't call me ma'am," as she pushed him down on the bed. "Pants! Off now!"

He unbuckled his belt and unzipped them in record time. He pulled them off as she was pulling down the covers to get in the bed on her side. He, with just his boxers on now slid up to get under the covers on his side of the bed.

Once they were both in bed and under the covers, she leaned over to the nightstand to shut the light off. The bedroom was still lit up well because there was a full moon outside shining through the window. She slid back down under the covers and rolled over on top of him. She straddled him at his hips putting her hands on his stomach feeling his muscles flex underneath them. He reached up to put the few strands of her hair that were blocking her right eye. He wanted to see the moonlight against her face and he could see right into her eyes. She was always good at a serious look especially when she was scolding him, but this serious look was more like, 'I'm in love with you' serious look. She kept her eyes open as did he while she leaned down to hover just above his lips. He could feel the warmth of her body coming closer with his and she kissed him softly while holding his face with both of her hands. He kissed her back while rising up on his elbows while placing his left hand on her face. He sat up while still kissing her reaching for the bottom of her shirt. He found it and began to lift her NYPD shirt up over her head. They broke from the kiss so he could take it off. They began kissing again while he reached around her back to release her bra. They broke from the kiss again and he slowly removed each strap of her bra off her shoulder one by one while watching her reaction from the gleam of moonlight. She slowly reached for what he assumed after a brief thought, was the spot where she had been shot. Her bra was unstrapped, hanging loosely on her body, but she was holding it up to her chest still. She pulled the bra away from her chest and she grabbed his right hand to place it over her scar. He could feel her heart beating rapidly underneath his hand. He was sitting up facing her while she was still sitting over his legs. He gently began to lay her down on the bed. He held her head with one hand to lay her gently down while he hovered above her. It was her turn to see his eyes through the moonlight.

"Kate, I love you. This night has been amazing. No one I have ever dated has taken so much thought in planning a date for me," he spoke after what seemed like hours. He pulled at a ringlet of her hair and it bounced back into a curl.

"You're welcome. I actually had a great time do it. And I hope that I get a chance to do it many times over and over again," as she placed her hand around his bicep and then wrapped her hand around his neck. He buried his head in her chest lying there for a few seconds then he began kissing with tiny kisses on her scar first, then the hollow part near her throat, then on her neck just under her left ear and she let out a moan. She grabbed his hair with her left hand and pulled his hair hard. "Ouch," he yelped looking her in the eye. "Okay, now would be a good time to stop messing around with me and make love to me," then she released his hair and patted it down to rub the hurt away. She laughed and said, "I'm sorry." She kissed him on the cheek.

"So the magic trick with ice cubes…will I need ice cubes after having sex with you? Is that the trick?" he shot a smirk at her.

She laughed, "No, but I can get you an ice pack after I give you a black eye because that is what is going to happen if you keep teasing me!" she grabbed at his ear and twisted.

He leaned in quickly and kissed her passionately and hard. It was so hard that she was caught off guard. From that moment on everything moved very quickly. They fell asleep soon after, Rick held Kate the rest of the night and little did they know that it would be the best sleep that either of them had in a long time.


End file.
